• Former PM Chretien (83) Says He Loves Medical Marijuana With Breakfast…and Sometimes Dinner

    OTTAWA — Jean Chretien actually giggled when he showed his personal baggie of pot to reporters today as he called for the immediate end of arrests for possession of marijuana. “Hahaha. Yes, yes. For 50 years, I had céréales Cheerios every morning but you know dat gets boring,” said a grinning Chretien, Prime Minister of […] More

  • Recently Canonized Martyr Added To Vatican’s Animatronic Hall Of Saints

    VATICAN CITY—Bringing the tragic story of his righteous sacrifice to life, recently canonized martyr Salomone Leclercq on Friday was added to the Vatican Museum’s Animatronic Hall of Saints. “This newest addition allows visitors to experience the courage of the godly man who was murdered for refusing to swear an oath to the secular government following […] More

  • Mario is no longer a plumber

    Mario is done being a plumber. Princess Peach is going to have to find a new plumber to call the next time her toilet gets clogged. According to Nintento, the world’s famour plumber is now an “All around sporty”. Whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, Mario does everything cool. What we don’t […] More

  • Former President Obama To Make Come Back With An Eye On The Oval Office

    Former President Barack Obama is expected to re-emerge on the national political scene this fall, looking to become the leader of the House when Democrats take it back from the Republicans in 2018, paving the way for his return to the Oval Office. “President Obama will be back in the Oval Office when President Donald […] More

  • Scaramucci lands server job at Dick’s Last Resort

    BOSTON—Recently shit canned White House Communications Director Anthony Goddamned Scaramucci is set to return to the national fuckin’ spotlight as Dick’s Last Resort has announced that Scaramucci has accepted a part-time server position. According to Dick’s Last Resort’s management, the Mooch’s boisterous prick nature is a perfect fit for a chain that specializes in rude […] More

  • Scaramucci In Revenge Post Of Nude Photos Of His Wife

    Washington D.C. — Senior Advisor to the President, Anthony Scaramucci is no stranger to controversy. From the beginning of his career at Goldman Sachs to his recent successful selling of global investment firm Skybridge Capital, Scaramucci has been in the gilded spotlight. The spotlight that he is currently in may be more than he bargained […] More

  • All Monkey, No Business

    A wildlife photographer’s life has been shattered, his livelihood and bank account in ruins because a monkey took a selfie with his camera. As the story goes, it seems that a group of monkeys clicking away with the photographer’s digital camera produce portraits of startling beauty. Andrew told the VQ that he was visiting the park […] More

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  • Russia Would Grant Comey Asylum If He Asks For It

    Russia said it would grant the fired FBI Director James Comey asylum in the event he makes a request. The statement came days following Comey’s appearance before the US Senate Intelligence Committee, where he gave testimony on the Trump-Russia probe and admitted to recording private talks with US President Donald Trump. Since the Vatican Enquirer […] More

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  • Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

    MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at […] More

  • New York Taxis Gouging Customers Fleeing To Canada

    Taxi cab companies in New York are gouging customers fleeing to Canada, in the months since the inauguration of U.S. President Donald Trump, mainly Americans leaving the United States. Sources close to the Vatican Enquirer said “the flee north is in fear of the America Mr. Trump will bring them.” The New York Attorney General’s […] More

  • Justin Trudeau Unveils Plan To Meet Healthcare Needs Of Canada’s Aging Prog Rockers

    OTTAWA—Saying it was only right to give back to those who had done so much for their country, Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau unveiled a plan Thursday that would provide for the healthcare needs of the nation’s aging prog rockers. “Groups from Rush to Triumph to Harmonium are valued members of our society, and it’s […] More

  • 9 Out Of 10 Dead People Preferred Not To Have Died: Survey

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – A recent survey undertaken by students at the Vatican University (VU) on the effects of death, confirmed that the majority of the dead interviewed preferred not to be dead. “Not that it’s that bad on the other side…they preffered to be on the living side of life,” said Teresa Elena Caputo, coordinator […] More

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