Latest stories

  • in ,

    “Oh, Shit,” Says Stephen Hawking After Learning That There Is Life After Death

    “Shit, shit, fucking shit, stupid asshole, it’s all wrong,” scientist Stephen Hawking said this morning when he discovered himself walking and with the vitality of his youth and to see that there is life after death and that, for therefore, all his assumptions about the nature of the universe were incorrect. “Oh, fuck, really?” Exclaimed […] More

  • in ,

    Kim Jong Un Reveals He Is Just Using Trump to Meet Stormy Daniels

    PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—Kim Jong Un has revealed to close associates that he has offered to meet Donald J. Trump only as a means of achieving his real goal: meeting the former adult-film star Stormy Daniels. A confidant of the North Korean dictator said that Kim revealed his true intentions behind the Trump invitation at […] More

  • in ,

    Vladimir Putin Concedes Defeat in Pennsylvania Special Election

    MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the result “close but no cigar,” Vladimir Putin has conceded defeat in Tuesday night’s special congressional election in Pennsylvania. Speaking to reporters at the Kremlin, Putin thanked the many Russian campaign workers who tried but failed to propel the Republican candidate, Rick Saccone, into the winner’s circle. “Our social-media trolls did […] More

  • in , ,

    Subpoenaed Trump Organization Financial Documents Reveal Company’s Only Holding Is Single Dairy Queen In New Jersey

    NEW YORK—Saying they are beginning to perceive the full scope of the secretive business dealings, investigators working for special counsel Robert Mueller announced Friday that subpoenaed Trump Organization financial records show the company’s only discrete holding is a Dairy Queen franchise in West Milford, NJ. “We are currently engaged in a thorough analysis of financial […] More

  • in ,

    Donald Trump Jr. Divorce Leaves Confused, Heartbroken Nation Wondering Why Bad Things Happen To Good People

    WASHINGTON — Lamenting that even the purest hearts were fated to be broken, the confused and anguished U.S. populace was struggling Friday with the question of why bad things happen to good people following the news that Vanessa Trump filed for divorce from Donald Trump Jr. earlier this week. “How could this happen to our […] More

  • in ,

    Authorities Dismantle Gang Trafficking in Cholesterol and Triglycerides

    Undercover agents in Guanacaste, Costa Rica, take down a dangerous gang for trafficking in an unspecified quantity of cholesterol and triglycerides. Authorities say they had been on the heels of the gang for some time, but their investigation was prolonged since the group operated mainly during the Christmas holiday season. Authorities say the tamales were […] More

  • in ,

    Queen Victoria’s Cranach turns out to be the real thing

    For more than a century art historical experts have labelled a painting Queen Victoria bought as a Christmas present for Prince Albert a 19th-century fake. But a new generation of art historians has discovered they were wrong. Victoria and her advisers were correct when they bought the painting in 1840. It is a genuine work […] More

  • in ,

    Donald Trump Meets With President Of U.S. Virgin Islands

    United States President Donald Trump gave a U.S. territory its independence and appointed a president on Friday.. Trump said he spoke about a meeting with week with U.S. Virgin Islands President Kenneth Mapp to discuss the country’s recovery from Hurricane Maria. “I met with the president of the Virgin Islands,” he said during a speech […] More

  • in

    Top Scientist Says HAARP Responsible For Recent Hurricanes

    One of the world’s leading scientists, Dr. Michio Kaku, recently admitted on live television that the U.S. government have long had the ability to artificially induce hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis and major storms. In an interview aired by CBS, Dr. Kaku admitted that recent ‘man-made’ hurricanes have been the result of a government weather modification program […] More

  • in ,

    Putin Says He Has Proof US Hurricanes Are Man-Made

    Russian President Vladimir Putin has named the date he plans to release proof that the US government engineered the recent spate of hurricanes that devastated large parts of the U.S. Like a boxer confident in his own strength, Putin has been observing footage taken from the Russian Elektro-L No.1 weather satellite – and has been […] More

  • in , ,

    Former PM Chretien (83) Says He Loves Medical Marijuana With Breakfast…and Sometimes Dinner

    OTTAWA — Jean Chretien actually giggled when he showed his personal baggie of pot to reporters today as he called for the immediate end of arrests for possession of marijuana. “Hahaha. Yes, yes. For 50 years, I had céréales Cheerios every morning but you know dat gets boring,” said a grinning Chretien, Prime Minister of […] More

Load More
Congratulations. You've reached the end of the internet.