Billy Joel Charged With Arson

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VATICAN ENQUIRER – Singer-songwriter William Martin “Billy” Joel has been charged by U.S. authorities with multiple counts of arson from the 1980s.

Lead detective for the U.S. Attorney’s office, Steven Ettinger, said that Joel was the initial suspect, but had effectively derailed the investigation through the cunning use of song.

“Even if the chorus wasn’t completely convincing, there was no way we could have found a jury pool that wasn’t tainted during that time.” said Ettinger.

we-didnt-start-the-fire“Saturating the airwaves to make the public associate you with not having started the fire was a brilliant move,” according to Ettinger.

In 1989, the song was released on his album Storm Front and became the No. 1 hit in the US when Joel had just turned 40.

Ettinger said he recently realized he’d been deceived all this time, deciding to pursue the matter after reading the song’s Wikipedia page, which is meant to cover up the real fire. Ettinger added that they will be pressing Joel to tell them the location of the fire or fires.

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