(VATICAN ENQUIRER) OTTAWA – Following the passage of bill C-24, the Strengthening Canadian Citizenship Act, which gives the government powers to revoke citizenship and deport recent immigrants who have been convicted of serious crimes, an Ojibwa First Nation tribe has filed a lawsuit under the act to deport all white people from Canada.
“As the government has said, citizenship in Canada is a privilege and not a right,” said tribe leader Harold Foxwood. “We have determined it is in the best interests of the safety of all true Canadians for you to go back where you came from.”
Foxwood subsequently clarified the tribe’s legal position. “The Act clearly states that recent immigrants who commit crimes against the state can be deported. By my people’s standards the few hundred years white Europeans have been here is very recent. As for the committing crimes part, really? You know what you white guys did.”
Justice department spokesperson Ian Kinsler said the government originally intended to fight the lawsuit, but had to admit the tribe had a winning argument.
“We kind of got hoisted on our own petard here. Not going to lie, we were originally going to use this act to deport muslims for minor crimes and sketchy connections to accused terrorist sympathizers. But they got us good with this one. Oh well. I think I still have an aunt in Frankfurt.”
When asked why his tribe was not also moving for the deportation of more recent immigrants like Asian-Canadians and African-Canadians, Foxwood stated “meh. They seem cool.”