Sources close to the couple revealed that the couple will be flying from Los Angeles directly to the Guanacaste airport for an all-inclusive two week’s vacation at an undisclosed beach hotel.

The source would not reveal the exact date, but most likely would be May 12. The newlyweds are expected to head off to the airport on Saturday, resting up on Friday after the pair’s big day that to airs on CBS on Thursday (May 10), the 11th season finale of The Big Bang Theory.

Mario is done being a plumber. Princess Peach is going to have to find a new plumber to call the next time her toilet gets clogged.

According to Nintento, the world’s famour plumber is now an “All around sporty”.

Whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, Mario does everything cool.

What we don’t know the reason behind Mario’s career change after 34 years of plumbib. We don’t if Mario was fired, retired or shut plain tired of being a plumber and needed something new. A source not to close to the VE said Mario is going through a mid-life crisis and will really miss his brother, Luigi, who has been rumoured to carry on the family plumbing business.

Following the lead by Playboy, the glossy men’s magazine known for its nude fold-outs, no longer publish nude photographs of women, National Geographic says that it will no longer degrade animals by showing photos of them without clothes.

At a time when every teenagee has a smarphone (Internet connected phone) and the web is filled with pornography, the National Geographic has opted to continue featuring animals in provocative poses, just not completely nude.

“Don’t get me wrong, the kid in me is very disappointed in current me. But it’s the right thing to do,”  said Mr. Gabe Gardner, the National Geographic editor who first suggested to eliminate nude photos.

National Geographic did not immediately respond to the Vaticn Enquirer’s request for comment.

VATICAN ENQUIRER (The Onion) WASHINGTON – Convening an emergency session following the recent passing of famed singer and guitarist Glenn Frey, Congress voted unanimously Thursday to allocate $90 million to protect the remaining members of American rock group the Eagles, sources confirmed.

“My colleagues and I recognize just how important the Eagles’ laid-back ’70s sound is to all Americans, which is why we moved quickly and with bipartisan cooperation to put together comprehensive legislation that will ensure Don Henley, Joe Walsh, and Timothy B. Schmit are around to rock us, our children, and our children’s children for years to come,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) at a press conference following the passage of the bill, officially titled Preserving The Eagles For The Benefit And Enhancement Of Future Generations Act Of 2016, and more commonly known as The Long Run Bill.

“We as a nation simply cannot afford to let the authors of such timeless hits as ‘Take It Easy,’ ‘Desperado,’ ‘One Of These Nights,’ and dozens of other infectious AOR staples disappear.

That is why this legislation sets aside dozens of acres of safe, protected land on which the Eagles can live and record in peace, while also establishing a dedicated team of federal officials to closely monitor the band members for any changes in health and immediately provide them with care as needed.”

Beltway sources confirmed that a proposed rider to The Long Run Bill introduced by Rep. Rick Larsen (D-WA), which would have added $7 million in similar protections for Kenny Loggins, was voted down by a chorus of nays.

Read more at theonion.com

VATICAN ENQUIRER, TORONTO – Avid Life Media, the company that owns infidelity website AshleyMadison.com, announced today that the site would make a major shift from facilitating extramarital affairs to simply being a dating service for the newly divorced.

Citing “changing demographics” and a new focus on a socially responsible business model, Ashley Madison spokesman Anthony Macri explained the change as being consistent with the company’s mission to provide their members with the specific services the unique customer base requires.

“We have always been focused on the needs and wants of our online community,” said Macri. “This change is just another response to the demands of our difficult-to-please clientele.”

When asked what might be driving the sudden change in their customer demographics, Macri refused to speculate.

“It could be any number of issues that drives a marriage apart, so it’s impossible to pinpoint a singular cause for such a large and diverse group of people,” said Macri.

Despite the completely revamped services the site now offers, AshleyMadison.com is assuring their customers that all memberships and paid for services will carry over to the new system.

When asked about any customers who may not need the new services, Macri insisted that while refunds will be given on request, he doesn’t foresee any being issued. “Frankly, I don’t imagine any of our clients having need for an extramarital match maker.”

VATICAN ENQUIRER – Singer-songwriter William Martin “Billy” Joel has been charged by U.S. authorities with multiple counts of arson from the 1980s.

Lead detective for the U.S. Attorney’s office, Steven Ettinger, said that Joel was the initial suspect, but had effectively derailed the investigation through the cunning use of song.

“Even if the chorus wasn’t completely convincing, there was no way we could have found a jury pool that wasn’t tainted during that time.” said Ettinger.

“Saturating the airwaves to make the public associate you with not having started the fire was a brilliant move,” according to Ettinger.

In 1989, the song was released on his album Storm Front and became the No. 1 hit in the US when Joel had just turned 40.

Ettinger said he recently realized he’d been deceived all this time, deciding to pursue the matter after reading the song’s Wikipedia page, which is meant to cover up the real fire. Ettinger added that they will be pressing Joel to tell them the location of the fire or fires.

VATICAN ENQUIRER, Los Angeles, October 21, 2015  – Michael J Fox was arrested Wednesday morning in relation to insider sports betting on DraftKings.

Fox aroused suspicion after achieving a statistically-impossible, perfect record on the site under the username NoChicken.

Authorities found an unusually worn copy of a sports almanac which was just recently printed and which has markings cataloging winning bets Fox has placed since the late 80’s.

“The operating theory is that the Back to the Future films were really documentaries from an original, prime timeline,” said NASA astrophysicist Barry Manilow.

“The implications are heavy. It is suspected that we are living in an alternate 2015, as there are no flying cars and there are only four Jaws movies. We can only assume that we are forever stunted as a society. The amount of lives lost due to our lack of progress in technology and medicine is unfathomable. Worst of all, instead of hoverboards, this sad reality is limited to the Swagway.”

“We suspect Mr. Fox has been using an alias to hide his real identity after damaging the space time continuum,” said one source within the FBI’s TimeCrime division.

Under the name of Marty McFly, he was an accomplice to Dr. Emmett Brown in negotiation with terrorists to obtain materials to build a dangerous weapon allowing the pair to travel through time.

Dr. Brown is still on the run and “extremely dangerous.”

“We are looking for a criminal mastermind,” said FBI director Tim Travell. “He is extremely intelligent and capable of producing weapons of mass destruction with scarce resources. He built a highly advanced technology known as a flux capacitor in his garage.”

“The Pope is secretly in love with me.”

Tickets are now on sale for the Madonna World Tour 2037. The ageing pop star says she is getting ready for what will be the “best, bestest, ever” show of her career, but not necessarily the last.

Rumours have it that there a “centennial” tour planned for 2058, celebrating Madonna Louise Ciccone’s 100th birthday on August 16, 2058.
Madonna is a woman with plenty of experience tangling with the Vatican. Asked how certain she is to live that long and still be able to perform, she said she’s made a deal with the Pope during his visit to the U.S.

Madonna, raised Roman Catholic in Michigan, has had a long history of running afoul of the Vatican, being excommunicated from the Catholic Church several times

But things are different now, says the Diva, “the Pope is secretly in love with me.”

The comments were made during at a concert wearing a nuns’ habits — and little else — while pole dancing on crosses.

(VATICAN ENQUIRER) –

Since he can’t be Fired!, Trump announced he will sue Carlos Slim for firing him, Univision, the government Mexico and everyone else who has wronged in him in the past.

“They can do whatever they want. I couldn’t care less. I’m going to sue them all. I’m rich, ” Trump said.

In fact, a source close to the VE said Trump will also be suing a number of his own companies, to ensure himself at least some wins.

In typical outspoken manner, the now unemployed and contender in the Republican presidential nomination said, “we’ll negotiate with the defendants. We’ll make a fantastic deal. It’s like on ‘The Apprentice.’ It’s not personal. It’s just business.”

“I won’t apologize for what I said about Mexicans. I know I’m right, look how they tried to burn down my building,” said Trump while staring at the plume of smoke coming out Trump tower.

With reference to the Miss USA, Trump said the show will go on, “we’ll get more people.”