Christ Appears In Roman Court To Contest 2,000-Year-Old Riot Charges

VATICAN CITY (ROME)—Complaining that He had better things to do than get up early to contest the “totally bullshit” claims, Jesus Christ, Light of...

9 Out Of 10 Dead People Preferred Not To Have Died: Survey

VATICAN ENQUIRER - A recent survey undertaken by students at the Vatican University (VU) on the effects of death, confirmed that the majority of...

Pope remains champion at annual pancake eating contest

(AMP) VATICAN CITY – Consuming a record 87 pancakes in under 20 minutes, Pope Francis has retained his championship title for the fourth year...

The Vatican Enquirer Assistant Editor Father Guido Sarducci Talks About Pope Francis, Elvis at...

  VATICAN ENQUIRER - On the Talk Show with Harper Simon, Episode 42, "Pope Francis, Elvis at the Vatican, and UFOs with Father Guido Sarducci",...

Catholic Church Developing Cyborgs To Help Fill Churches

VATICAN ENQUIRER - The Congregation for the Development of Mechanical Persons (CDMP) announced today that they have successfully developed their first batch of cyborg...

“No Means No!” Pope Says, Excommunicates 95% Of Italian Men

Sibari, Calabria | Using his strongest language to date, Pope Francis told Italian Mafia members and those who look like mafia members on Saturday...

How To Join The Priesthood

VATICAN ENQUIRER (The Onion) With the number of Catholic clergymen in the United States waning, those who choose the pious life of the priesthood...

Aging Broncos Quarteback Now Forced To Take Field With Assistance Dog

VATICAN ENQUIRER -  Noting that he is no longer capable of safely maneuvering across the field on his own, the Denver Broncos announced Tuesday...

Screen Actors Guild Develops Retraining Program For 30-Year-Old Actresses Aging Out Of Workforce

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to help open new doors for the many women struggling to readjust to life after performing, officials from the Screen...

AshleyMadison.com to become dating site for newly divorced

  VATICAN ENQUIRER, TORONTO - Avid Life Media, the company that owns infidelity website AshleyMadison.com, announced today that the site would make a major shift...

Breaking news: Michael J Fox Arrested For Insider Sports Betting

VATICAN ENQUIRER, Los Angeles, October 21, 2015  - Michael J Fox was arrested Wednesday morning in relation to insider sports betting on DraftKings. Fox aroused suspicion after...

Costa Rica Analyzing Possibility Of Piping Martian Water

The VATICAN ENQUIRER - Encouraged by the find of water on Mars, in an ambitious project,and with the help of the country's former astronaut,...

Burger King Closed Costa Rica Because People Want To Eat Healthier

VATICAN ENQUIRER - Costa Rica's minister of Labour, Víctor Morales, considers that one of the reasons why Burger King shut down operations in the...

William Shatner To Help Canada Reclaim Its Role As A World Leader

Canadians have to understand that war is sometimes unavoidable! VATICAN ENQUIRER - William Shatner, better known for his portrayal of James T. Kirk, Captain of...

Billionaire Donald Trump To Travel to Costa Rica To Negotiate Purchase Of The Country

VATICAN ENQUIRER - Following his sale of the Miss Universe pageant, billionaire Donald Trump, one of the richest men in the world, said he...

Pope Cleans Up Dead Angel Who Flew Into Sistine Chapel Window

VATICAN CITY—Hurrying outside after hearing a disturbingly loud thud against the side of the church, Pope Francis was reportedly left to clean up the...

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