A satirical commentary on the news.
Donald J. Trump has “no intention whatsoever” of having John Bolton’s book read aloud to him, Trump confirmed on Monday. Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that his daughter, Ivanka Trump, had obtained a draft manuscript of the Bolton book and had offered to read it aloud to him “like she does […] More
COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead. “As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the […] More
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A furious Donald J. Trump has demanded that Facebook investigate why a status update posted by former President Barack Obama on Monday has received so many likes. Speaking to reporters on Wednesday morning, Trump said that the more than eight hundred and fifty thousand likes that Obama’s post had garnered as of […] More
(The Borowitz Report) – In a sign that Donald J. Trump’s control over the Republican Party is now complete, congressional Republicans on Thursday defended his decision to give the Russian President Vladimir Putin office space at the White House. A newly emboldened Trump told reporters that he had furnished Putin with a corner-office suite and […] More
PALM BEACH, Florida (The Borowitz Report) – Donald Trump was reportedly “hopping mad” on Saturday after a surprise ICE raid left his Mar-a-Lago retreat with no employees. The ICE agents conducting the pre-dawn raid swept through the opulent Palm Beach club and left guests with no one to prepare their food, wash their dishes, or […] More
WASHINGTON—Citing a series of fatal malfunctions dating back to 1777, flag manufacturer Annin & Company announced Monday that it would be recalling all makes and models of its popular American flag from both foreign and domestic markets. Representatives from the nation’s leading flag producer claimed that as many as 143 million deaths in the past […] More
Donald Trump will undoubtedly be remembered not only as a successful President, but he will be considered the greatest president ever of the U.S.A., as well as being the last. This from a man “anonymous” who has access to a Wikipedia Time Machine (WTM) that enables him to see articles published on Trumpmedia (in 2025) […] More
Under the guise of a summit to discuss political differences between the United States and Russia, the Vatican Enquirer learned that the behind the doors meeting between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, in Helsinki, was to concrete the Trump Tower Moscow deal. “This was clearly the focus of discussion,” a source close to the Putin […] More
The mystery of Melania’s absence, of not been seen in public in weeks is solved: Melania has left the Donald and has moved into a trailer in NW Georgia with Marla. They are writing a tell-all book called “Our Donald”. CNN’s Anderson Cooper has supposedly (according to Russian internet bots) worked it out so that […] More
(WASHINGTON) After gathering supplies such as a magnifying glass, a spool of twine, and a number of depositions drawn in crayon, Donald Jr. and Eric Trump reportedly set up the “Don And Eric Law Place” in a White House electrical room Monday to help their father with his ongoing legal woes. “Objection! Objection,” said Eric […] More
(WASHINGTON) Expressing concerns about the propriety of being left alone with a syrup container of the opposite sex, Vice President Mike Pence reportedly asked his waiter Thursday to remove Mrs. Butterworth from the table until his wife arrived to join him at a local diner. “Excuse me, sir, would you please take this out of […] More
America — For years, Latinos have insisted that they are also “Americans.” Now, US President Donald Trump plans to fine them each time they use the term. Latin-Americans have well-known fury from being excluded from the “American” membership. Each time a US citizen identifies as American, the resulting argument is more intense than deciding which […] More
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Mons L. Pisanello
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