Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that his daughter, Ivanka Trump, had obtained a draft manuscript of the Bolton book and had offered to read it aloud to him “like she does with all of the other books,” Trump said, according to The New Yorker.

“She reads the books to me slowly and stops when there’s a long word to tell me what it means,” Trump said. “But I told her that the Bolton book was the last book in the world that I wanted to hear.”

Speaking to reporters on Wednesday morning, Trump said that the more than eight hundred and fifty thousand likes that Obama’s post had garnered as of Tuesday night were “phony,” and called the seeming popularity of the post a “rigged hoax.”

“There is absolutely no way that eight hundred and fifty thousand people liked Obama’s post,” he said. “I know a lot of people, and absolutely none of them like Obama.”

Trump said that, in addition to investigating Obama’s likes, he was demanding that Facebook remove several hundred thousand of Obama’s likes and “give them to me instead.”

Calling the former President’s Facebook post “as long and boring as a book,” Trump slammed Obama for being “terrible at social media, which is the most important part of a President’s job.”

“In that post he uses words like ‘motivations,’ ‘proliferate,’ and ‘unequivocally,’ ” Trump said. “How could over eight hundred thousand people like a post full of words that no one has ever heard of?”

A newly emboldened Trump told reporters that he had furnished Putin with a corner-office suite and secretarial staff to use whenever the Russian President is in town. “He says he plans to be here more and more,” Trump said.

Putin, who moved file boxes into his new office on Thursday afternoon, said he looks forward to many productive hours at the White House with few, if any, interruptions.

“At the Kremlin, people are always sticking their heads in my office, asking me questions,” he said. “President Trump just spends all day watching TV.”

At the U.S. Senate, a visibly angry Senator Lindsey Graham called allegations that there was anything improper about Trump giving office space to Putin “totally unfair, disgusting, and vile.”

“Vladimir Putin has worked harder to run the U.S. government than all of the Democrats in Congress put together,” Graham said.

Representatives from the nation’s leading flag producer claimed that as many as 143 million deaths in the past two centuries can be attributed directly to the faulty U.S. models, which have been utilized extensively since the 18th century in sectors as diverse as government, the military, and public education.

“It has come to our attention that, due to the inherent risks and hazards it poses, the American flag is simply unfit for general use,” said Annin & Company president Ronald Burman, who confirmed that the number of flag-related deaths had noticeably spiked since 2003. “I would like to strongly urge all U.S. citizens: If you have an American flag hanging in your home or place of business, please discontinue using it immediately.”

Added Burman, “The last thing we would want is for more innocent men and women around the world to die because of our product.”

Millions of U.S. flag–related injuries and fatalities have been reported over a 230-year period in locations as far flung as Europe, Cuba, Korea, Gettysburg, PA, the Philippines, and Iraq. In addition, the company found that U.S. flag exports to Vietnam during the late 1960s and early 1970s resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths, a clear sign that there was something seriously wrong with its product.

Despite fears about the flag’s safety—especially when improperly used or manipulated in ways not originally intended—sales continued unabated over the years, potentially putting billions of unsuspecting people in danger.

“At first, we wanted one of our flags in every home in America,” Burman said. “Unfortunately, the practical applications of this product are far outnumbered by the risks it presents. Millions have died needlessly, and when you ask people why, they point to the flag.”

Added Burman, “Frankly, we should have pulled it off the market decades ago.”

Studies conducted by the Annin & Company research and development department revealed that faulty U.S. flags have caused more than just injuries and deaths. During the mid-1950s, the flags were found to have the bizarre side effect of causing fear, paranoia, and hysterical behavior among millions of Americans. This was dismissed as an isolated event until September 2001, when similar symptoms reemerged on a massive scale.

As hazardous as the flags may be on their own, Annin & Company officials claimed the products become even more dangerous when used in conjunction with other common household items.

“When combined with alcohol, excessive patriotism, grief, or well-intentioned but ultimately misguided ideals, U.S. flags transform into ticking time bombs, just waiting to go off,” Burman said.

Manufacturers are addressing the flag’s unsafe and potentially lethal alignment of stars and stripes by designing a revised model that they hope will cut down on deaths in the United States and overseas, where experts say the flag is nearly 1,000 times as deadly.

Source: The Onion

This from a man “anonymous” who has access to a Wikipedia Time Machine (WTM) that enables him to see articles published on Trumpmedia (in 2025) as late as 2054.

According to Anonymous, Trump will be named Supreme Leader in a counter-coup in early 2021, shortly after the sham election of Elizabeth Warren who was later revealed to be part of a communist-Muslim plot with Bernie Sanders, Keith Ellison, and former president and traitor Barack Obama.

America’s NRA patriots in collaboration with evangelicals, later known as the Trump Militia, saved the day by organizing uprisings in cities across the country in the weeks following the November 2020 elections culminating in the Bowling Green Executions (originally proclaimed the Bowling Green Massacre by the fake liberal news media).

Attempts by subversive state leaders to quell the uprisings were thwarted when Trump ordered the National Guard to stand down and summarily pardoned the militias and applauded their actions. The communist-Muslim conspiracy then quickly and cowardly folded as its congressional, state, and big business supporters resigned from office or surrendered themselves to the militias.

After becoming Supreme Leader, Donald Trump’s great accomplishments included:

• Quelling the California Secession resulting in executions for treason of the Governor, his cabinet, the entire legislature, liberal Hollywood elites, and Tom Steyer who hid in Elon Musk’s basement for 236 days. Musk turned him in along with other co-conspirators and swore allegiance to Trump along with 544 other former subversives in what was titled the Day of Repentance hosted by Chief Justice Brett Kavanaugh, Franklin Graham, and Ralph Reed, and produced by Steve Bannon.
• Shortly after this momentous event, a plebiscite was convened on January 30, 2022, making Trump Supreme Leader for Life, reforming the Constitution, renaming the country The United States of Trump (UST), making orange the national color, and changing the flag to this:

• Signing of the Molotov-Kushner pact with Russia on August 23, 2021, ushering in an era of unprecedented peace and prosperity under the protective nuclear shields of two great superpowers. Joint military and economic measures also enabled Trump to definitively win the Great Trade War against China and Europe leading to their complete marginalization until China eventually renounced its Communism in 2029 and rebranded itself as “compassionate fascism” under the re-enlightened leadership of Xi Jinping.
• Termination of all fake news outlets and reformation of unfair libel laws. FoxNews is put in charge of all governmental press releases.
• Deportation of all illegal immigrants and citizens whose forebears were discovered to have illegally immigrated to the former United States. This will include millions whose forefathers were found to have been illegally imported as slaves.
  And much, much more!!!

Apparently, Donald Trump will also play an important role in every aspect of Trumpian (formerly American) culture in profound ways.

The White House will be renamed “Trump Mansion” and its plain white columns and drab interior molding will be gilded in gold leaf. Likewise for the Capital Building, which will also be rebranded as a hotel for visiting dignitaries by Ivanka Trump in 2023.

Sadly, Donald Trump dies on April 30, 2025, in the Oval Office after choking while trying to eat a fried chicken breast and a cheeseburger simultaneously.

The cabinet officials present are later executed by the new Supreme Leader, Melania Trump, when it is discovered they refused to administer the Heimlich Maneuver.

She then goes on to be a great leader in her own right.

With files from Quora.com, editing by VE.

The mystery of Melania’s absence, of not been seen in public in weeks is solved: Melania has left the Donald and has moved into a trailer in NW Georgia with Marla.  They are writing a tell-all book called “Our Donald”.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper has supposedly (according to Russian internet bots) worked it out so that Stephanie Clifford, the porn star who believes she is attempting to hustle Trump for cash to make her parents proud as well as additional opportunities to sell her services – but who is in fact being used by folks with TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) to attack Trump, can accompany him to the trailer park where they will all appear “live” together on camera to discuss “Our Donald”.

Sources told VE, Donald’s first wife, Ivana, wanted nothing to do with “those bitches”, apparently still holding resentment towards Maples.

(WASHINGTON) After gathering supplies such as a magnifying glass, a spool of twine, and a number of depositions drawn in crayon, Donald Jr. and Eric Trump reportedly set up the “Don And Eric Law Place” in a White House electrical room Monday to help their father with his ongoing legal woes.

“Objection! Objection,” said Eric Trump who fashioned a makeshift judge’s robe from a Dracula cape and repeatedly shouted “attorney–client privilege” while striking the top of their hastily assembled card table with an old claw hammer he’d found in a supply closet.

“We got a bunch of evidence and super witnesses, so you better let our dad go before we find you in tempt [sic] of the court! Your honor, I plead the Fifth, Sixth, 11th, and 700th! Case closed!”

At press time, Donald Jr. was sobbing after his brother accidentally smacked him in the face with a briefcase full of pens and candy.

Source: The Onion