NEW JERSEY (The Lapine) — A four-year study released today by Mayo Clinic psychology researchers finds that showing cleavage or crazy-dancing after vodka shooters are not and never have been the cause of sexual assaults on women.
But those findings are not what is causing controversy around the study. It’s the study’s conclusion that castrating male rapists would cut down on future sexual assaults.
“Conclusively, we found that truly stupid males with weenie brains are the only cause of sexual assaults,” said study leaders Dr. Elaine Peters and Dr. Joseph Scott.
“Our findings strongly recommend that men who rape should…you know…have their testes cut off,” said Dr. Scott.
“Rapists should be de-testicled as it were. I just made that word up. Got a good ring to it.”
“It’s a simple surgical procedure…local anesthetic.”