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Vatican Enquirer http://vaticanenquirer.com A satirical commentary on the news. Thu, 30 Apr 2020 16:46:22 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.7.11 http://vaticanenquirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/cropped-vaticanenquirer-fav-65x65.png Vatican Enquirer http://vaticanenquirer.com 32 32 71485691 The Simpsons predicted Kim Yo-jong’s rise to power http://vaticanenquirer.com/the-simpsons-predicted-kim-yo-jongs-rise-to-power/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/the-simpsons-predicted-kim-yo-jongs-rise-to-power/#respond Thu, 30 Apr 2020 16:44:18 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2773 Apparently the Simpsons once again was first to prophetize the rise to power of Kim Yo-Jong, in North Korea, sister of the young man who was in charge of the government and who for the past few weeks has not known anything from him, raising speculation about his death.

The Simpsons apparently knew what would happen in North Korea.

In the event that these rumors become reality, it would be his sister Kim Yo-Jong, the candidate to succeed him to the throne (yes, remember that this country is a monarchy), a situation that apparently was predicted in an episode of the Simpsons.

The Simpsons never cease to amaze us.

Thousands of fans of the animated series believe Kim Yo-jong as North Korea’s new leade because of an image that appears in one of the chapters of the series where an Asian-origin woman and dress commanding a tank.

Many point to this person as the Simpson version from the younger sister of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un.

This scene corresponds to a chapter that was issued in the year 2004 which is why they predicted it about 16 years ago.

It should be mentioned that according to information from the Japanese newspaper Yomiuri Shimbun, Kim Yo-jong is the one chosen to continue the dictatorship prevailing in North Korea for 70 years, which has been inherited from generation to generation.

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influencers complain because they no longer know what to live on http://vaticanenquirer.com/influencers-complain-because-they-no-longer-know-what-to-live-on/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/influencers-complain-because-they-no-longer-know-what-to-live-on/#respond Thu, 30 Apr 2020 16:33:20 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2770 Influencers have again come out to complain because they are losing the shine of their luxurious lives, due to the coronavirus covid-19 pandemic, they can no longer travel, nor take photos of their food in public places or their famous selfies.

Influencers need to be helped.

Or something like that, is what some influencers wanted to say in a very interesting report from the BBC, and since we are very good vibes, we are going to summarize it completely.

But first, let’s see what the YosStop is doing in full quarantine:

Well, now it is really interesting …

A few days ago, some influencers of the greatest size (or something like that) in the world, have been complaining and complaining in the media because they can no longer leave their homes, and when they do leave, they do not generate videos or photos or content from which they all always do the same: what if the little trip, what if the coffee in Italy, what if the photo that everyone takes in France, etc, etc, etc.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Ayer fui #Bowie para tiktok 🌝

A post shared by C͟͟I͟͟N͟͟T͟͟H͟͟Y͟͟A͟͟ (@lenguasdegato) on

This type of content is profitable, that is, with each photo and video that they generate, YouTube gives them some coin as well as the brands with which they come out dressed, made up or subtly thrown together.

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Trump Says He Doesn’t Need Bolton’s Book Read To Him http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-says-he-doesnt-need-boltons-book-read-to-him/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-says-he-doesnt-need-boltons-book-read-to-him/#respond Fri, 31 Jan 2020 15:11:24 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2749 Donald J. Trump has “no intention whatsoever” of having John Bolton’s book read aloud to him, Trump confirmed on Monday.

Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that his daughter, Ivanka Trump, had obtained a draft manuscript of the Bolton book and had offered to read it aloud to him “like she does with all of the other books,” Trump said, according to The New Yorker.

“She reads the books to me slowly and stops when there’s a long word to tell me what it means,” Trump said. “But I told her that the Bolton book was the last book in the world that I wanted to hear.”

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El Chapo Didn’t Want Witnesses At His Trial http://vaticanenquirer.com/el-chapo-didnt-want-witnesses-at-his-trial/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/el-chapo-didnt-want-witnesses-at-his-trial/#respond Fri, 31 Jan 2020 15:07:16 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2746 The convicted drug lord known as El Chapo said on Thursday that he was “outraged” his 2019 trial had included witnesses. He also revealed that he was demanding a new trial without them.

Speaking from ADX Florence, a maximum-security facility in Colorado, the former drug kingpin complained that his trial would have resulted in a speedy acquittal had it not been for the irritating presence of witnesses, reports The New Yorker.

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Denmark Offers to Buy USA http://vaticanenquirer.com/denmark-offers-to-buy-usa/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/denmark-offers-to-buy-usa/#respond Sat, 17 Aug 2019 05:53:55 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2724

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”

“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.

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Trump Demands Facebook Investigate Why Obama’s Post Got So Many Likes http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-demands-facebook-investigate-why-obamas-post-got-so-many-likes/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-demands-facebook-investigate-why-obamas-post-got-so-many-likes/#respond Thu, 08 Aug 2019 07:27:10 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2720 WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A furious Donald J. Trump has demanded that Facebook investigate why a status update posted by former President Barack Obama on Monday has received so many likes.

Photograph from White House Photo / Alamy

Speaking to reporters on Wednesday morning, Trump said that the more than eight hundred and fifty thousand likes that Obama’s post had garnered as of Tuesday night were “phony,” and called the seeming popularity of the post a “rigged hoax.”

“There is absolutely no way that eight hundred and fifty thousand people liked Obama’s post,” he said. “I know a lot of people, and absolutely none of them like Obama.”

Trump said that, in addition to investigating Obama’s likes, he was demanding that Facebook remove several hundred thousand of Obama’s likes and “give them to me instead.”

Calling the former President’s Facebook post “as long and boring as a book,” Trump slammed Obama for being “terrible at social media, which is the most important part of a President’s job.”

“In that post he uses words like ‘motivations,’ ‘proliferate,’ and ‘unequivocally,’ ” Trump said. “How could over eight hundred thousand people like a post full of words that no one has ever heard of?”

 

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Queen Elizabeth Moving to Canada http://vaticanenquirer.com/queen-elizabeth-moving-to-canada/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/queen-elizabeth-moving-to-canada/#respond Tue, 30 Jul 2019 23:57:29 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2717 (The Borowitz Report) – Queen Elizabeth II is moving to Canada “immediately” and should take up full-time residence there by the end of the week, Buckingham Palace confirmed on Tuesday.

The Queen offered no reason for the move, but the palace indicated that she had been packing her bags for the past several weeks.

In a sign that the Queen’s decision is irrevocable, the palace revealed that her beloved corgis had already been flown to Toronto.

In a brief farewell statement to the British people, the Queen explained why she had chosen Canada as her new home. “We speak the language, and our picture’s on the money there,” she said.

She said that she had “no regrets” about abdicating the throne to her son, Charles. “At this point, there’s nothing he can do to make the U.K. more messed up than it already is,” she said.

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Trump to Give Putin Office Space at White House http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-to-give-putin-office-space-at-white-house/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-to-give-putin-office-space-at-white-house/#respond Tue, 30 Jul 2019 23:48:57 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2714 (The Borowitz Report) – In a sign that Donald J. Trump’s control over the Republican Party is now complete, congressional Republicans on Thursday defended his decision to give the Russian President Vladimir Putin office space at the White House.

Photograph by Alexei Nikolsky / AFP / Getty

A newly emboldened Trump told reporters that he had furnished Putin with a corner-office suite and secretarial staff to use whenever the Russian President is in town. “He says he plans to be here more and more,” Trump said.

Putin, who moved file boxes into his new office on Thursday afternoon, said he looks forward to many productive hours at the White House with few, if any, interruptions.

“At the Kremlin, people are always sticking their heads in my office, asking me questions,” he said. “President Trump just spends all day watching TV.”

At the U.S. Senate, a visibly angry Senator Lindsey Graham called allegations that there was anything improper about Trump giving office space to Putin “totally unfair, disgusting, and vile.”

“Vladimir Putin has worked harder to run the U.S. government than all of the Democrats in Congress put together,” Graham said.

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Women are asking men to look at their chests again http://vaticanenquirer.com/women-are-asking-men-to-look-at-their-chests-again/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/women-are-asking-men-to-look-at-their-chests-again/#respond Mon, 29 Jul 2019 10:50:12 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2708 t starts off like any other PSA until one of the speakers says in exasperation, “my breasts….are down here!”

“Do you think I’m wearing this bra because it’s comfortable?” she asks. “Sure there are times I want to be taken seriously,” she explains, but “those times I don’t wear this shirt!”

If you’re easily offended go ahead and skip this video.

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Trump Furious That Mar-a-Lago Is Left with No Employees After ICE Raid http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-furious-that-mar-a-lago-is-left-with-no-employees-after-ice-raid/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/trump-furious-that-mar-a-lago-is-left-with-no-employees-after-ice-raid/#respond Sun, 14 Jul 2019 04:35:58 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2704

PALM BEACH, Florida (The Borowitz Report) – Donald Trump was reportedly “hopping mad” on Saturday after a surprise ICE raid left his Mar-a-Lago retreat with no employees.

The ICE agents conducting the pre-dawn raid swept through the opulent Palm Beach club and left guests with no one to prepare their food, wash their dishes, or clean their rooms.

When informed of the news, a furious Trump reportedly barked at his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and his sons Eric and Donald, Jr., ordering them to hurry to Palm Beach and wait on tables.

A spokesman for Mar-a-Lago called the situation “dire,” warning that the resort had lost almost as many staff members as the White House.

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