Obama Sends Cuban Cigars To Republican Leaders For Christmas

VATICAN ENQUIRER (DailyCurrant) In light of recent loosened sanctions against Communist Cuba, President Barack Obama sent current House Leader John Boehner of Ohio and future Senate Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky fine Cuban cigars for Christmas presents.

The president spoke with Cigar Aficionado to comment on the flavorful gifts. Obama sent 1,467 Oliva Serie V Melanio Figurado cigars, which the Aficionado ranked the best cigar of 2014. This number of cigars is enough for Boehner and McConnell to smoke a cigar per day for the rest of Obama’s presidency.

At the cost of $197,630 for the rare Cuban cigars, it was “the best money I’ve ever spent,” Obama said. “To quote comedian George Carlin, ‘Smoking a cigar is like sucking on a big black dick.’ I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

While the president doesn’t condone smoking cigars, as a former smoker of cigarettes, he does understand. “The Cuban cigars will compliment their constant bourbon binge drinking. I used to love a cigarette and cold beer. I might have kept a couple of stogies for myself but don’t tell Michelle.”
But No Cigar

Boehner smirked while signing for the UPS delivery and told Fox News, “I’ll stick to me Virginia Slims cigarettes, thank you very much. I only support American tobacco. The chemicals they add are much better.”

However, after observing and smelling the cigars, Boehner added, “But I’ll still smoke them, so the joke is on the president. Communist or not, a cigar is still a cigar.”

As a thank you, Boehner said Obama’s gold plated “veto” stamp was in the mail and should arrive by Jan. 4, when the new 114th congress gets sworn in.

Senate Leader Mitch McConnell failed to see the joke in the gift, telling Fox, “Millions of Cubans are suffering under the Castro administration and we should keep strong and continue with our plan that started 50 years ago. It was about to work when Obama gave in.

“Drinking Kentucky bourbon with a Cuban cigar is an insult to America and freedom.”

The 50-year embargo policy against Cuba from the United States has kept the country, only 90 miles off the coast of Florida, one of the poorest in the world. Economist say the embargo has not worked. Stanford economics professor Walter White told The Wall Street Journal, “Any common sense would say the embargo was a failure. All it did was make people suffer while we gained nothing in return. If we are still afraid of Communism, then God help us all.

“The cigar business alone will increase Cuba’s GDP by 2,000 percent over the next five years.”

Vice President Joe Biden told MSNBC he was upset: “Hey, where are my cigars? Obama knows I only use Cubans to roll my blunts.”