By Viktor Yushchenko, Chief Financial Corresponderer for The Vatican Enquirer
MOSCOW, Russia – Amid a rapidly depreciating currency, the Russian Central Bank (RCB)on Tuesday made the unprecedented decision to forego the use of the rouble for a Russified version of the monetary tender of popular American board game Monopoly.
In addition to dramatically raising interest rates, the Russian Central Bank made the drastic decision to drop the rouble in favour of the cheaper-to-produce Monopoly banknotes. The rouble – which dropped 20% against the American dollar on Monday and has lost nearly half its value against the dollar since the beginning of the year – has now dipped slightly below the cost of printing the Monopoly notes.
Fans of the American board game will notice changes to the classic bills as the RCB promised to replace classic Monopoly characters such as the race car, top hat , and Scottie dog with the Russian equivalents of a Lada, ushanka (Russian-style fur hat with ear flaps), and a bear. Prominent on the $500 bill – which will be nicknamed the “redback” as it has changed from the traditional American orange to the reliable Russian red – is a be-monacled Putin.
Rumours of the Russian President stroking a white Persian cat on the bill cannot at this time be independently confirmed. The move by the RCB is the most dramatic currency-substitution since the Sandy McTire-adorned Canadian Tire money was introduced to replace their ‘cash bonus coupons’ in 1961.