Study: Average Father Thinks About Sealing In Meat’s Juices 4 To 5 Hours A Day

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VILLANOVA – Confirming that it is the single most frequent thought on fathers’ minds, a study released Monday by researchers at Villanova University found that the average dad thinks about sealing in meat’s juices between four and five hours per day.

“Our research indicates that the typical dad thinks about sealing the juices into steaks, burgers, chops, and other meats hundreds of times over a typical 24-hour period,” lead researcher Marissa Gerard said of the study, which tracked how often fathers in their 40s pondered bringing a grill to high heat, searing the surface of a steak, and then pulling it off at just the right time to retain a juicy red color inside.

“Whether a father is at work, at home, or already marinating another meat, roughly every six seconds on average, his mind starts drifting to thoughts of using charcoal or gas flames to create an evenly browned surface on a cut of meat that traps the juices inside.

In a lifetime, he might spend 15 years thinking about how to prevent those juices from escaping.”

The study also found that a significant number of test subjects reported spending up to eight additional hours per day thinking about getting those perfect diagonal grill marks.

Article originally appeared on Theonion.com