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  • U.S. Science Advisor Denies Apollo Moon Landings

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    VATICAN ENQUIRER (Washington) Yale University professor David Gelernter, U.S. President Donald Trump’s newly appointed science and technology advisor, has already attracted a barrage of criticism after making controversial statements this week during an exclusive interview with Science Today. The controversial computer scientist already known for his strong stance against the science behind global warming has […] More

  • Mexican Beer Importers Bracing For A Trump Ban

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    VATICAN ENQUIRER (Spoof News) In the face of U.S. President Trump’s threatened ban, stocks are soaring for Mexican brewers, as well as distributors and sellers of Mexican beer in the United States. Reached by phone, Molly Snipes, CEO of Molotov distributors in Denver, talked to this reporter about the spike in business. “This isn’t new […] More

  • The Rock picked for White House Press Secretary

    President-elect (sigh) Donald Trump announced viaTwitter his latest appointment, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to serve as White House Press Secretary. “We will make the dishonest media think twice before questioning our great policies,” Trump later told fans at a rally. Trump went on to praise the Rock for his unparalleled communication and Twitter savy. Dwayne Johnson was […] More

  • Trump Air Rolls Out “Non Stop Service To Canada” For Celebrity Defectors

    The TORRES REPORT, New York – Immediately following the U.S. presidential elections, countless remarked they would rather move than be governed by president-elect Donald Trump. In the days following the election, Canadian immigration officials confirmed they were swamped with requests, to the point their online system crashed. Seizing the opportunity, the Trump organization quickly rolled […] More

  • Queen Of England Announces Restoration Of British Rule Over United States

    LONDON (The VATICAN ENQUIRER) In an unexpected televised address on Tuesday, the Queen of England announced to restoration of British rule over the United States of America. Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth II said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now […] More

  • 16-year Old Girl Claims Former President Bill Clinton is Her Father

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – Little Rock, Arkansas | A 16-year old girl has presented a paternity action lawsuit this morning, before an Arkansas state court, alleging that the former president of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton, is her biological father. Alyssa Gilmore claims that her mother, a former secretary of the oval office named Whitney […] More

  • Report: Only 40% Of Celebrities End Up Marrying Their Stalkers

    LOS ANGELES—Revealing that the success of such relationships is far less certain than typically assumed, a report released Wednesday by UCLA’s Department of Sociology found that only 40 percent of celebrities ultimately end up marrying their stalkers. The comprehensive, multiyear study determined that actors, recording artists, and other public figures who are subject to constant […] More

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