VATICAN ENQUIRER (Washington) Yale University professor David Gelernter, U.S. President Donald Trump’s newly appointed science and technology advisor, has already attracted a barrage of criticism after making controversial statements this week during an exclusive interview with Science Today.
The controversial computer scientist already known for his strong stance against the science behind global warming has openly and vehemently criticized the space policy of the Barack Obama administration and its goal to reach Mars in 2030.
“ How can we manage to organize a U.S.-crewed orbital Mars mission by the mid-2030s when we never even went to the moon? The idea is laughable, as was Obama’s administration, if I may add ”
– Yale Professor David Gelernter
“The Apollo moon landings are the biggest fraud in mankind’s history, even worse than all that global warming nonsense,” he added.
A voyage that never was
This is not the first time the controversial professor has attacked the Apollo moon landings. In his 2012 book America-Lite: How Imperial Academia Dismantled Our Culture (and Ushered in the Obamacrats) the author voices his concerns about the impossibility of space travel outside the Earth’s magnetic field.
“In the modern age, we have never been outside the Earth’s magnetic field. With the exception of the alleged 24 human beings who flew lunar flights in the Apollo program during the four-year period spanning 1968 through 1972, all human spaceflights have taken place in low Earth orbit (LEO) or below. Even the International Space Station conducts all its operations in LEO,” he explained in his book.
“Why is that? This is because orbits higher than low orbit can lead to early failure of electronic components due to intense radiation and charge accumulation,” he wrote.
A dangerous belt of radiation
The Yale professor also documented in his book how NASA was, and still is, aware of the impossibility of traveling beyond the Van Allen Belt, a highly charged radioactive belt that is part of the planet’s magnetic field.
“The Apollo missions were supposed to be the first event where humans traveled through the Van Allen belts, which was one of several radiation hazards known by mission planners, but even today, NASA scientists admit they can’t get past the Van Allen Belts” he claims in his 2012 book.
“If NASA scientists honestly admit in 2012 that they still haven’t worked out how to properly shield the spacecraft from the radiation emitted from the Van Allen belts, how the hell did we send human beings into space covered in aluminum foil suits? At a particular time when the Solar activity was at its peak? The answer is simple: It just never happened,” he concluded on the matter.
Despite his controversial claims, David Gelernter is a world-renown and multiple award-winning computer scientist known for his contributions to parallel computation and his early prediction of the rise of the World Wide Web.
Time Magazine profiled Gelernter as one of the 100 most influential people of the 21st century in 2016, describing him as an “arch-genius.” The New York Times called him a computer science “rock star” and “one of the most brilliant and visionary computer scientists of our time.”
Source Worldnewsdailyreport.com
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VATICAN ENQUIRER (Spoof News) In the face of U.S. President Trump’s threatened ban, stocks are soaring for Mexican brewers, as well as distributors and sellers of Mexican beer in the United States.
Reached by phone, Molly Snipes, CEO of Molotov distributors in Denver, talked to this reporter about the spike in business.
“This isn’t new at all, but a trend that’s accelerated since candidate Donald Trump, who promised to ban Mexican beers and even Cinco de Mayo, has become President Trump. Now that he’s taken office there’s a huge rush to stock up on Mexican beers before the ban, and people are even stocking up now for Cinco de Mayo.”
“More likely than an outright ban,” Snipes lamented, “President Trump could enact steep tariffs on import brews and that could be disastrous for business.”
Republicans in Congress are wary of starting any trade wars that could hurt the US or Global economy.
Senator Mitch “The Bitch” McConnell downplayed any action on tariffs when he spoke to reporters on Capital Hill
“As President Trump himself has said, we have more important business to do for the country, I don’t see any good return in the targeting of Mexican Beers or a Mexican holiday.”
Regardless of the political and cultural skirmishes, Snipes and other distributors of import beers seem confident that they will still be selling Mexican beers on Cinco de Mayo, 2017, and for the foreseeable future.
Snipes dispenses with a word of advice for beer hoarders.
“As far as stockpiling beer, I don’t think it will ever be necessary, but if you must, I would keep it all refrigerated and I would use it up within six months or less. People talk about beer keeping for a year, but any beer is best consumed within a few weeks of production.”
Article originally appeared on Thespoof.com
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VATICAN ENQUIRER (Houston, Texas) The results of Super Bowl LI are in, and the winner is the New England Patriots.
After pulling out to an early 28-3 lead, Atlanta allowed the Patriots to reel off 25 consecutive points to tie the game and secure an overtime period (the first in Super Bowl history).
Although the Falcons outpaced the Patriots by nearly millions of fans, according to Nielsen ratings released late this evening, the Patriots pulled of an amazing comeback to win in overtime by a score of 34-28.
“We all brought each other back,” said quarterback Tom Brady, who was named Super Bowl M.V.P. for a record fourth time. “We never felt out of it.”
At the end, Brady completed 43 of 62 passes for 466 yards and two touchdowns.
For his part, Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan appeared unstoppable through the first three quarters with plenty of help from the Falcons defense.
The game became political after President Donald Trump chose to side with the Patriots setting off a firestorm of left wing hacks to back the Falcons in an Anti-American move to simply spite the President. The famed commercials aired during the game added to the sentiment of a large number of Americans unhappy with the direction taken by the Trump administration.
Trump, who is famously friendly with the team’s owner (Robert Kraft), coach (Bill Belichick) and quarterback (Tom Brady), gave up on his Super Bowl favorites after the team went down 28-3 in the second half and left his Trump International Golf Party in West Palm Beach, Florida. Trump would later tweet “What an amazing comeback and win by the Patriots. Tom Brady, Bob Kraft and Coach B are total winners. Wow.”
In response to the lose, liberals launched the hashtag #NotMyOvertime.
Article originally appeared on Nationalreport.net
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U.S. President Donald J. Trump’s promise of building a border wall along the United States – Mexico border has been a boon to some American industries.
Huge orders for steel rails are pouring in and the once nearly defunct rail car industry is now booming, orders coming in for a compact version of passenger and cargo rail cars. Orders for powerful smaller, quieter train engines are also on the increase.
Border ‘WallDrill” machines that once was the exclusive of the coal industry are coming back to life, several manufactures, close to the brink of bankruptcy, are no reporting having a hard time keeping up with the demand for both small and large machines.
Any business or industry involved in excavation has seen a boom in business since the U.S. President started talking about the wall, contracts and orders more than doubling from the first day after the election last November. The trickling down effect includes small and large manufacturers of digging equipment, from heavy machinery to the basic pick and shovel.
The “American Great Wall” is good business. Companies are recording huge profits selling equipment. But there is a twist, the sales, according to the latest report on the trends, is mainly to traffickers of people and the drug cartels.
“The excavation has already begun,” said a resident who lives pretty near the border. A Vatican Enquirer correspondent was able to confirm the drilling of elaborate tunnels has begun under the proposed Wall.
Aside from the criminal element, a Mexican design firm has decided to be proactive in rolling out their version that includes areas for commerce (malls), immigration whey points, even a detention centre, schools, light train rail service and casinos.
The plan is aimed at developing a controlled corridor, ending the suffering abuse and extortion from the coyotes who for a fee smuggle people by land across the border. Instead of suffering abuse, anyone wishing to enter the U.S. can just buy a ticket for a clean, safe, air-conditioned ride, stop to shop, check-in to a detention centre and even live the “American Dream” within setting foot on U.S. soil.
Adapted from the original story on Humortimes.com
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President-elect (sigh) Donald Trump announced viaTwitter his latest appointment, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to serve as White House Press Secretary.
“We will make the dishonest media think twice before questioning our great policies,” Trump later told fans at a rally.
Trump went on to praise the Rock for his unparalleled communication and Twitter savy.
Dwayne Johnson was the first person to make a public statement, via Twitter no less, regarding the U.S. operation that killed Osama bin Laden.
Source Stubhillnews.com
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In the days following the election, Canadian immigration officials confirmed they were swamped with requests, to the point their online system crashed.
Seizing the opportunity, the Trump organization quickly rolled out their airline with “special direct service to Canada”.
Trump Air executives say the airline, which expected to make its first flight in the first weeks of the new year, will mainly focus on celebrities who by their star potential will be easily accepted by Canada. In fact, many of the no U.S. celebrities started out as Canadians.
It is yet unsure how many will actually make good on their promise to leave the United States. Early reports from staff at JKF, the main operations of Trump Air, told the Torres Report that reservations have been slow.
It appears that those celebrities have now balked at their prior promises and are refusing to leave the country.
Juan Carlos, originally from Mexico, said that he believes many are still waiting for a miracle to happen and Donald Trump will not be confirmed as president. “If he is confirmed, we can expect business to get bigly real quick,” Juan Carlos told the Torres Report.
Another Trump Air executive, who spoke to the Torres Report who said he left a major South American airline to work at Trump Air, said if the celebrities don’t keep their promises, the airline is surely to fail and will probably not only get fired, but be deported by his boss.
The Torres Report was able to obtain the recording of a pre-flight announcement from a “Trump Air pilot” of what passengers on a ferry flight to Canada might hear.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking, welcome aboard Trump Flight 1600 with nonstop service to Canada,” the “Trump pilot” began.
“We’d like to welcome all of our celebrity defectors, and we’ll get you out of America just as soon as the tower clears us for takeoff,” he continued.
The “pilot”, in his message, assures passengers that once the plane reaches cruising altitude, flight attendants will be collecting their U.S. citizenship renunciation forms and would hand out beverages and crying towels.
Listen for yourself.
The airline is not disclosing fares just yet, it said it still needs to work out the details.
With reporting from New York.
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LONDON (The VATICAN ENQUIRER) In an unexpected televised address on Tuesday, the Queen of England announced to restoration of British rule over the United States of America.
Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth II said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”
“This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn’t end well,” she said.
The Queen said the transition to British rule would begin “with a minimum of bother.”
Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”
Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person “very occasionally.”
Adapted from the original article by Andy Borowitz is a New York Times.
Article first appeared at TORRES REPORT, click here to go there
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VATICAN ENQUIRER – Little Rock, Arkansas | A 16-year old girl has presented a paternity action lawsuit this morning, before an Arkansas state court, alleging that the former president of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton, is her biological father.
Alyssa Gilmore claims that her mother, a former secretary of the oval office named Whitney Gilmore, had an affair with President Clinton between 1998 and 2001. She says she was born out of that relationship, and demands that Mr. Clinton undergoes a paternity test to prove that her story is true.
“I know Bill Clinton is my father” says the young girl. “I have many pictures of my mother and him and I know they were in love. He even gave me présents for Christmas and my birthdays when I was a kid, before he left my mother. I have spent many years writing him letters and calling him, hoping he would come back in my life. At first, he would write back and we spoke on the phone regularly, but he doesn’t even answer anymore. I just want him to take his responsibilities and recognize that he is my father, that’s all.”
Judge Henri Watkins of the Arkansas state court, rapidly decided that Ms. Gilmore had enough evidence to support her demand and announced that the presentation of the evidence will begin on March 19. Bill Clinton wasn’t present in the courthouse this morning, in Little Rock, but he met the media less than an hour after the judge’s decision, in Washington.
Mr. Clinton denied having an affair with Ms. Gilmore or being the father of the teenage girl. He adds that the timing of the accusations suggests that they are intended to ruin his wife’s chances in the run for the presidential elections in November.
“Whitney was indeed my secretary, and she has been a friend of both my wife and I for many years” says the former president. “I have worked with her for a few years, and I have met her daughter a few times. But we never had any sexual relationship and I am not the father of Alyssa Gilmore. This whole thing is just a diversion created by the Republican party to ruin Hillary’s chances in the run for presidency. I want to get this over with as soon as possible.”
This is not the first time that Bill Clinton is involved in an adultery-related scandal. The most famous case is of course, when he admitted to having had what he called an “inappropriate relationship” with Monica Lewinsky while she worked at the White House in 1995 and 1996.
There were also many other women who claimed over the years that they had affairs with Mr. Clinton or that they were victims of sexual misbehavior on his part. These include Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Juanita Broaddick, Kathleen Willey, Elizabeth Ward Gracen and Dolly Kyle Browning.
Many political experts believe that no matter how this court case ends, this new story of adultery has reminded the population of the Clinton couple’s particular relationship and story. They think it could therefore certainly have a very negative impact on Hillary’s chances of being the presidential candidate of the Democratic party for the next presidential election.
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VATICAN ENQUIRER – A council of Native American leaders has offered partial amnesty to the estimated 220 million illegal white immigrants living in the United States.
At a meeting of the Native Peoples Council (NPC) in Albuquerque, New Mexico yesterday, Native American leaders considered several proposals on the future of this continent’s large, unauthorized European population. The elders ultimately decided to extend a pathway to citizenship for those without criminal backgrounds.
“We are prepared to offer White people the option of staying on this continent legally and applying for citizenship,” explains Chief Wamsutta of the Wampanoag nation. “In return, they must pay any outstanding taxes and give back the land stolen from our ancestors.
“Any white person with a criminal record, however, will be deported in the next 90 days back to their ancestral homeland. Rush Limbaugh will be going to Germany. Justin Bieber will depart for Canada. And the entire cast of Jersey Shore will be returning to Italy.”
Sustained European colonization of North America began in the 16th and 17th centuries, when arrivals from France, Spain and England first established settlements on land that had hitherto been occupied by native peoples. Over the past 400 years immigrants from these countries and others throughout Europe have transformed the demography of the continent.
Despite their numerical superiority, many scholars question the legality of the European settlement, as it was founded on a mixture of unauthorized immigration, war and genocide.
Progressive native groups welcomed the council’s decision today as a step forward toward normalizing relations with the White community. However, many conservative Native Americans are upset about the plan, claiming that amnesty will only serve to reward lawbreakers.
“Why can’t we just deport all of the Whites back to Europe?” asks Ité Omáǧažu of the Lakota people. “They’re just a drain on our economy anyway. They came over here to steal our resources because they’re too lazy to develop their own back home.
“I can’t believe we’re just going to let them pay a fine. They should get to the back of the line like everybody else — behind the Mexicans.”
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LOS ANGELES—Revealing that the success of such relationships is far less certain than typically assumed, a report released Wednesday by UCLA’s Department of Sociology found that only 40 percent of celebrities ultimately end up marrying their stalkers.
The comprehensive, multiyear study determined that actors, recording artists, and other public figures who are subject to constant verbal harassment and physical intimidation by an obsessive stalker choose to wed this person in less than half of all cases, with researchers concluding that marital bliss between a celebrity and the individual fanatically tracking his or her every move is by no means an assured outcome.
“After examining thousands of instances in which a stalker forcibly intruded on a celebrity’s private life, we discovered that such behavior led to a long, happy marriage between them just four times out of 10,” said the report’s lead author, Brian Lewis, explaining that famous individuals don’t necessarily feel a strong romantic connection with the people who show up unannounced at their homes in violation of multiple court-issued restraining orders. “Remarkably, for those individuals who root through a celebrity’s garbage can or leave them rambling voicemail messages multiple times a day, the odds of the object of their fixation entering into a lifelong relationship with them are actually slightly against them.”
“In fact, a given movie star or television personality quite frequently will not seek a future with the person who is repeatedly caught hiding in the shrubbery outside his or her bathroom window,” Lewis added.
The UCLA researchers found that, in most cases, celebrities did not pursue courtships and ultimately accept marriage proposals from the men and women who routinely followed them at a short distance as they went about their days, a finding that suggests public figures are not automatically attracted to such intensely obsessed individuals.
Indeed, the collected data revealed that three-fifths of all reality show contestants, character actors, Olympic figure skaters, bestselling authors, and TV weathermen deliberately spurn such individuals who break into their penthouses and steal several items of their clothing.
The report also revealed that a narrow majority of pop stars opted not to spend the rest of their lives with those ex-convicts and former fan club presidents who were intercepted by bodyguards before having the chance to deliver a tattered notebook containing hundreds of hand-scrawled poems detailing their undying devotion.
“While we determined that some types of celebrities, such as swimsuit models and cable news anchors, tend to marry their stalkers slightly more often, it turns out that, in general, most famous people prefer to have no romantic contact with these individuals whatsoever, or will only date them for a couple of months,” said report co-author Erica Tarver, pointing to just a few dozen instances in the past year in which an A-list Hollywood starlet eloped with a stalker and then moved into his squalid one-bedroom apartment with him. “Interestingly, we found that some subgroups of celebrities, such as soap opera actors, will settle down with the individuals who push their way past security in order to tearfully confront them on set just 30 percent of the time.”
“Then again, former Disney Channel actresses fall madly in love with the men who follow their existing boyfriends home from work and threaten them with a hammer about three quarters of the time,” she continued. “But overall, it averages out to little more than a third of our nation’s biggest stars and their stalkers saying ‘I do.’”
The report concluded that the likelihood of celebrity-stalker marriage varies considerably depending on the dedication of the stalker, with public figures being far more likely to tie the knot with someone who proves capable of overcoming whatever legal and physical obstacles are placed in their way over several years of pathological obsession.
“While the statistics are against stalkers marrying celebrities, those who remain most persistent in their efforts have a better-than-average chance of convincing their beloved that they are meant to be together, no matter how much time they spend in prisons or mental facilities,” Lewis said. “However, it’s important to remember that just because a daytime talk show host may choose to exchange vows with the person who posed as an electrician in order to install a surveillance camera in her dressing room, that doesn’t necessarily mean that their marriage is fated to last. After all, given the national divorce rate, that 40 percent chance of staying together for the rest of their lives is actually closer to 20 percent.”
“But that doesn’t mean there aren’t many celebrity-stalker couples out there beating the odds,” continued Lewis. “After all, Jay Z stalked Beyoncé for almost a decade, and look at the two of them.”
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