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canada – Vatican Enquirer http://vaticanenquirer.com A satirical commentary on the news. Tue, 30 Jul 2019 23:57:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.2 http://vaticanenquirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/cropped-vaticanenquirer-fav-65x65.png canada – Vatican Enquirer http://vaticanenquirer.com 32 32 71485691 Queen Elizabeth Moving to Canada http://vaticanenquirer.com/queen-elizabeth-moving-to-canada/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/queen-elizabeth-moving-to-canada/#respond Tue, 30 Jul 2019 23:57:29 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=2717 (The Borowitz Report) – Queen Elizabeth II is moving to Canada “immediately” and should take up full-time residence there by the end of the week, Buckingham Palace confirmed on Tuesday.

The Queen offered no reason for the move, but the palace indicated that she had been packing her bags for the past several weeks.

In a sign that the Queen’s decision is irrevocable, the palace revealed that her beloved corgis had already been flown to Toronto.

In a brief farewell statement to the British people, the Queen explained why she had chosen Canada as her new home. “We speak the language, and our picture’s on the money there,” she said.

She said that she had “no regrets” about abdicating the throne to her son, Charles. “At this point, there’s nothing he can do to make the U.K. more messed up than it already is,” she said.

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McDonald’s To Close Canada http://vaticanenquirer.com/mcdonalds-to-close-canada/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/mcdonalds-to-close-canada/#respond Fri, 14 Oct 2016 11:31:11 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=1996 McDonalds will close down Canada in February 2017
McDonalds will close down Canada in February 2017

(VATICAN ENQUIRER) Low profits is the reason for McDonald’s announcement of the removal of all Canadian franchises. After a year of struggling to maintain profits in 2015, the McDonald’s franchise has seen an even worse decline in 2016: starting in the US after multiple tax policies have increased the cost of doing business for the fast food giant.

After already closing down almost a thousand locations from due to impeccable profit loss, Stephen Easterbrook, CEO of McDonald’s has announced the removal of all it’s Canadian franchises by February of 2017.

A McDonald's Big Mac value meal
Come February Canadians will no longer be able to enjoy a McDonald’s Big Mac value meal

As Forbes reported early 2015:

The restaurant company closed 350 stores in early 2015, on top of the 350 it had already said it would shutter, as the burger purveyor seeks to stanch sales declines. Earlier on Wednesday, McDonald’s had reported an 11% decrease in revenue and a 30% drop in profit for the first three months of the year, a continuation of its troubles in the last two years as it has struggled to compete with new U.S. competitors, a tough economy in Europe and a food safety scare in Asia. The legendary food chain even tested bizarre menu items in some countries in an attempt to boost profits.

The picture blow shows McDonald’s Chocolate Fries that were introduced in Japan earlier this year.

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To all Canadians out there: you better enjoy the last few months of McDonald’s restaurants on Canadian soil. I guess what they say is true about how the good things never last forever. What do you think of this? Leave your comment below.

With reportering from  theglobalsun.com

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Canada’s Fast Food Restaurant Is Now Serving Marijuana With Coffee and Donut http://vaticanenquirer.com/canadas-fast-food-restaurant-is-now-serving-marijuana-with-coffee-and-donut/ http://vaticanenquirer.com/canadas-fast-food-restaurant-is-now-serving-marijuana-with-coffee-and-donut/#respond Sun, 28 Aug 2016 15:25:46 +0000 http://vaticanenquirer.com/?p=1929 Tim Hortons, with "Always Fresh Coffee" and many quick meal options that include marujuan will hit the spot any time of day
Tim Hortons, with “always fresh coffee” and many quick meal options that include marijuana will hit the spot any time of day

ACROSS CANADA – Canada’s most popular fast food restaurant franchise “Tim Hortons” will now be selling Marijuana upon it’s legalization in Canada, in addition to its “always fresh coffee” and quick meal options.

Ron Joyce, current founder of Tim Hortons claims that this is a necessity as there are over 3,000 stores across Canada. “

We are a very big corporation and always open to new ideas, not only benefit the franchise, but also to benefit the economy and the consumers. There are currently over 3,000 Tim Hortons stores across the nation and serving marijuana in our stores, I feel is a necessity to support the legalization of it.”

Tim Hortons To Sell Marijuana Across Canada
Tim Hortons To Sell Marijuana Across Canada

Originally published on theglobalsun.com

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