Latin-Americans have well-known fury from being excluded from the “American” membership. Each time a US citizen identifies as American, the resulting argument is more intense than deciding which abuela makes the best tamales.

“We’re Americans, too!” Rocio Rodriguez proclaimed as she flaunted her Ropa Americana coupons. “Everyone from Canada to Tierra del Fuego is considered so.”

Trump described it as “unbelievable” and announced a directive to put a stop to the exploitation.

“This misassociation has gone on for far too long,” the president said as he granted Milo Yiannopoulos citizenship and gave him Washington D.C.’s key to the city. “If people want to be part of us, they have to pay for it.”

When questioned on how he plans to track the word’s use over such a vast continent, the president ignored the question completely and asked everyone to check out his new shoes. When pressed further, he said the economic gains would be “yuuuuge” for the already affluent.

In response to the order, “Todos somos Americanos” signs have popped up in lackadaisical protests across the continent. “Those pinche gringos aren’t the only Americans around,” severely overweight Gavin Hernandez shouted while finishing off a 10-piece KFC bucket in San Jose. “We’re all the same!” chants also emerged in Buenos Aires from marchers with maps simultaneously showing “America” as one continent and Africa as a single nation.

Domestically, trickle-down effects of the order have also started to resonate. When Houston native Monserrat Lopez was charged double at a local Starbucks, she was left perplexed. “I wasn’t even thrown off that they had written ‘Monster Truck’ on my coffee cup,” she lamented. “But when the barista told me it was because I ordered an ‘Americano,’ me volvió loca.”

Lopez is far from the only victim. Over the past few weeks, Latin-Americans have seen interest rates on their American Express cards increase drastically, discounts on skinny jeans decline at American Eagle, and hash browns virtually disappear from their American Slams at Denny’s.

“I even had American Chopper erased from my PVR,” an angry Pedro Badilla revealed as he cried sitting through Canadian Idol. “Taking away the American dream was enough.”

Not able to focus on something for more than a few seconds, President Trump also hinted towards future proclamations. These are rumored to include shipping Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep to a newly-minted resort in Guantanamo Bay, creating a fake news registry that includes every reputable reporter on earth, and launching his own feline rescue site called “grab ‘em by the pussy.”

Source: Elpeji

Authorities say the tamales were filled with cholesterol and triglycerides, which may have been brought in from Mexico, other Central American countries and even South America. The cholesterol and triglycerides Tamales in Costa Rica are typically eaten with Salsa Inglesa (English sauce), usually Salsa Lizano, a locally prepared Worcester kind of sauce.

Hampering investigators is that the Tamales had to be steamed for about 30 minutes, depending on their size, or until the masa becomes firm and the with cholesterol and triglycerides filling is heated through before they could be confirmed dangerous to the public.

Although the group moved from one country to another, there is no evidence that the trafficking went on across borders from Mexico to Central and South America.

The cholesterol and triglycerides were wrapped in plantain leaves.

Authorities say the acted in taking down this gang because it has been found that, though the body needs some cholesterol to work properly, if you have too much in your blood it can combine with other substances in the blood, while Triglycerides are the main constituents of body fat in humans, combined can be unhealthy.

(VATICAN ENQUIRER) San José | A group of Costa Rican park rangers patrolling in the Isla del Coco national park after a recent storm, have discovered one of the most amazing treasure hoards in modern history.

The treasure consists of gold and silver coins and ingots, jewellery, candlesticks and religious items, and is estimated to be worth almost US$200 million dollars. Archaeologists and historians believe that the discovery is actually linked to the best known of the treasure legends tied to the island: that of The Treasure of Lima.

“We were walking on the beach, and we saw something protruding from the sand” says park ranger Ignacio Ramirez. “We dug it out and found a bunch of old wooden chests. They were all filled with gold and silver! Then we dug out two incredible golden statues of the Virgin Mary, and other religious symbols. We called our bosses and said ‘we just found a treasure!’. They thought we were kidding, but we explained what we had found and they decided a team of experts.”

Cocos Island is a small island located in the Pacific Ocean, approximately 550 km (342 mi) from the shore of Costa Rica. It was well-known for possibly holding various legendary treasures, but its “protected area” status had forbidden treasure hunting on it since 1978.

A group of six park rangers who were walking around the island to evaluate the damage done by a storm on the nesting colonies of turtles, when they noticed that the tide had unearthed what looked like an old wooden box or chest.

They began unearthing it, only to discover that there were actually five different chests and other items, that they had been buried there for a very long time.

All in all, the treasure contains an astronomical 89,000 coins, ingots and artefacts of gold and silver.

Many religious items made of gold or silver and adorned with precious stones were among the findings, including 36 crosses, 3 chalices and two life-size solid gold statues of Mary holding the baby Jesus.

Many treasure legends have been associated with Cocos Island for centuries.

The first claim is associated with the pirate captain Bennett Graham who allegedly buried 350 tons of gold raided from Spanish galleons on the island in the 18th century. Another pirate captain, the Portugese Benito Bonito, is also supposed to have buried treasure on the island, this time in the 19th century.

According to the legend, with the army of José de San Martín approaching Lima in 1820, Viceroy José de la Serna is supposed to have entrusted the treasure of the city to the British trader, Captain William Thompson, for safekeeping until the Spaniards could secure the country.

Instead of waiting in the harbor as they were instructed,Thompson and his crew killed the Viceroy’s men and sailed to Cocos Island, where they buried the treasure.

Hundreds of attempts to find treasure on the island have failed.

Prussian adventurer August Gissler lived on the island for most of the period from 1889 until 1908, hunting the treasures with the small success of finding six gold coins.

Since it was discovered in a national park, the totality of the treasure is now the property of the Costa Rican government, and it should be exposed at the National Museum (Museo Nacional de Costa Rica), in San José.

The rangers who discovered the treasure have been promised a reward for their role in the finding, but the amount of the reward remains undisclosed.

If you find the story entertaining let us know. We will make up any story to make you laugh. If you have an idea for a story, send us an email or use the comments section below or post to our official Facebook page.

Source: Worldnewsdailyreport.com

Spain authorities say Jale Berahimi had demanded she be allowed to use the ‘resident’ line, insisting she is a European citizen, with a Costa Rican passport and of Arab birth, visiting Dubai.

“She told us she is was born in Dubai and insisted that grants her the right of a European Union citizen. When we explained that Dubai is not in Europe, that it is in fact in the Middle East, she would not hear of it and did not understand how we could be so stupid. We showed her a map but could not convince her. We had to detain her to ensure her mental stability,” said Alejandro Garcia, head of Spain’s airport security.

Meanwhile, the model, slash journalist, slash television personality uploaded a video on the social media, berating Spanish officials for not letting her visit her birth country of Dubai, saying she was being treated as a “muerte de hambre’ (deadbeat), they didn’t know they ***hole for nothing, she was born in the European nation of Dubai. Beharimi called the officials “more ignorant that her Mariana Loranca” who the model, slash journalist, slash television personality recently had an on air altercation, leading to her leaving the farandula television show.

Authorities of the Costa Rica Embassy in Spain denied any ties to the the model, slash journalist, slash television personality, only confirming that her Costa Rica passport was genuine and that her birth place was in fact the town of Dubia, in the European Union.

What Spanish authorities have been able to figure out is that in fact the model, slash journalist, slash television personality was born in Spain, moved to Dubai (in the middle east) at an early age and then to Costa Rica. However, as much as they have tried to explain the geography to Berahimi, they have yet been able to convince her and continue to be concerned of her mental state.

At the close of this edition, July 3rd, 7:03pm Spain time, the model, slash journalist, slash television personality was still being held in custody.

VATICAN ENQUIRER – The Municipalidad de San Jose (Muni) announced a new project that plans on turning Costa Rica’s capital city San Jose into a “smart city”.

The plan would involve and unknown number of projects and people, who will be working around the clock, to ensure that wi-fi is available at any time of day or night and take about 30 years to complete.

The project is aimed at improving the quality of life in San Jose, providing easier access to public services.

However, Muni officials have a number of concerns to address, like how to stop pilfering of signals by neighbouring municipalities, such as Escazu on the west or San Pedro to the east, both affluent middle to upper class communities, with large populations.

Then there is the potential problem with traffic accidents, as mobile wi-fi users make a sudden stop as they reach the free signal range. “We can see rear-end collisions happening at all hours of the day and night,” said the head of the traffic police. Another traffic problem foreseen is illegal parking by users wanting to stay within range.

This isn’t just for the benefit of residents. If San Jose achieves the ability to become a smart city, it would be amongst a few in the world, carving out a niche market for business and technological development and potential investors.

By José Manuel Garcia Rodriguez
Reportering for the Vatican Enquirer

VATICAN ENQUIRER – San José, Costa Rica | A group of Costa Rican park rangers patrolling in the Parque Nacional Isla del Coco after a recent storm, have discovered one of the most amazing treasure hoards in modern history.

The treasure consists of gold and silver coins and ingots, jewellery, candlesticks and religious items, and is estimated to be worth almost US$200,000,000.

The Isla del Coco (Cocos island) is a small island designated as a National Park, located in the Pacific Ocean, approximately 550 km (342 mi) from the Pacific shore of Costa Rica. It was well-known for possibly holding various legendary treasures, but its “protected area” status had forbidden treasure hunting on it since 1978.

A group of six rangers who were walking around the island to evaluate the damage done by a storm on the nesting colonies of migratory seabirds, when they noticed that the tide had unearthed what looked like an old wooden box or chest. The began unearthing it, only to discover that there were actually five different chests and other items, that they had been buried there for a very long time.

“We were walking on the beach, and we saw something protruding from the sand” says park ranger Ignacio Ramirez. “We dug it out and found a bunch of old wooden chests.

They were all filled with gold and silver! Then we dug out two incredible golden statues of the Virgin Mary, and other religious symbols.

We called our bosses and said ‘we just found a treasure!’.

They thought we were kidding, but we explained what we had found and they decided a team of experts.”

All in all, the treasure contains an astronomical 89,000 coins, ingots and artefacts of gold and silver.. Many religious items made of gold or silver and adorned with precious stones were among the findings, including 36 crosses, 3 chalices and two life-size solid gold statues of Mary holding the baby Jesus.

Many treasure legends have been associated with Cocos island for centuries. The first claim is associated with the pirate captain Bennett Graham who allegedly buried 350 tons of gold raided from Spanish galleons on the island in the 18th century. Another pirate captain, the Portugese Benito Bonito, is also supposed to have buried treasure on the island, this time in the 19th century.

Archaeologists and historians believe, however, that the discovery is actually linked to the best known of the treasure legends tied to the island: that of the treasure of Lima.

According to the legend, with the army of José de San Martín approaching Lima in 1820, Viceroy José de la Serna is supposed to have entrusted the treasure of the city to the British trader, Captain William Thompson, for safekeeping until the Spaniards could secure the country. Instead of waiting in the harbor as they were instructed,Thompson and his crew killed the Viceroy’s men and sailed to Cocos island, where they buried the treasure.

Hundreds of attempts to find treasure on the island have failed. Prussian adventurer August Gissler lived on the island for most of the period from 1889 until 1908, hunting the treasures with the small success of finding six gold coins.

Since it was discovered in a National park, the totality of the treasure is now the property of the Costa Rican government, and it should be exposed at the Museo Nacional de Costa Rica, in San José. The rangers who discovered the treasure have been promised a reward for their role in the finding, but the amount of the reward remains undisclosed.

Via Worldnewsdailyreport.com

A government source said “they are just too dangerous”.

For the moment bicycles are still allowed. However, the government has commissioned a study to determine if bicycles should also be banned

The transit police said it will start applying the ban as soon as the Semana Santa holidays are over, due to lack of sufficient officials.
This four wheeled scooter would be legal under the ban, while the two wheeled version is not.

This four wheeled scooter would be legal under the ban, while the two wheeled version is not.

The explanation given for the ban is that it will save the state run medical system, the Caja Costarricense de Seguro Social (CCSS) or Caja a lot of money. Authorities indicate that motorcycles are involved in the majority of traffic accidents.

The INS, the state run insurance company, is also expected to benefit from the ban. It is not a state secret that the majority of motorcycle owners do not pay the Marchamo, annual circulation permit. By banning motorcycles, owners of motorcycles would buy a four wheeled vehicle and owners of passenger vehicles, trucks etc. pay their Marchamo.

A source close the Q had another theory and more plausible reason for the ban. Gasoline station owners were denied an increase in the profit margin by the regulatory authority. The denial came before Semana Santa when the ARESEP was forced to postpone the gasoline price decrease under the threat of gasoline station owners to shut down the dispensing of fuel.

The source tells the Q that a backroom deal was brokered where the government would ban motorcycles, being more economical and requiring less fuel, forcing consumer to buy more gasoline to fill the larger tanks of other vehicles. So, though the station owners did not get their increase, they make more profits by selling more gasoline.

And the timing was right. What better to do this during Semana Santa while everyone is on vacation!

Whatever the reason behind the ban the question by many motorcycles owners is now, “what do we do with our motorcycles? If we can’t drive them on public streets and there are no buyers, what now?”

One motorcycle dealer says he has he answer:  a conversion kit. Yup, the kit converts a two wheeled motorcycle to three or four wheels, which are not banned.
Gitano says he can convert any two wheeler to three, four, five or more. Just bring it in and him work on it.

Gitano says he can convert any two wheeler to three, four, five or more. Just bring it in and let him work on it.

The dealer, Gitao, who spoke to the Q, said  “If we have to we will do a Macgyver* but guarantee a conversion every time”. The dealer did no provide details on the conversion kit or the cost.

One motorcycle group, ”Somos Los Motorizados”, formed quickly in response to the ban, said they will take to the streets in protest. Juan Carlos Campos, head of the group , admitted it won’t be like the past demonstrations since they can’t be out in their motorcycles.  Campos says the group is struggling to figure out a way for the people and government to know it is a group of motorcyclists protesting or the teachers or ICE employees, for instance.

SLM, without putting too much thought in the idea told the Q that if this ban sticks they will take it to the Constitutional Court, where hopefully it will be struck down or at least tied up for a few years.

In the few hours the ban went into effect. a poll by the Q revealed that all interviewed were in favour of the ban. To be fair, however, none of the interviewed were motorcyclists. One motorcyclist refused to give her opinion, showing us the finger, leaving it up to interpretation if it as good or bad sign.

* Macgyver:  the ability to use a dorito, some duct tape, and a paper clip to create a time machine. I dont know what im talkin about.