The mystery of Melania’s absence, of not been seen in public in weeks is solved: Melania has left the Donald and has moved into a trailer in NW Georgia with Marla. They are writing a tell-all book called “Our Donald”.
CNN’s Anderson Cooper has supposedly (according to Russian internet bots) worked it out so that Stephanie Clifford, the porn star who believes she is attempting to hustle Trump for cash to make her parents proud as well as additional opportunities to sell her services – but who is in fact being used by folks with TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) to attack Trump, can accompany him to the trailer park where they will all appear “live” together on camera to discuss “Our Donald”.
Sources told VE, Donald’s first wife, Ivana, wanted nothing to do with “those bitches”, apparently still holding resentment towards Maples.
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Rodriguez has written to Elon Musk, the owner of Tesla, asking if the driverless car will provide him any help in the fight on the roads or will the fight be all by himself as has been the case up to now.
Elon Musk is a busy man, but he will have to address this as soon as possible if a launch in Latin America is to be successful.
There is news coming in that a top-level meeting was called to address Shwetank’s concern and seems like Shwetank has really pushed forward India’s concern in a very effective way.
The concern of Rodriguez is the promise made by Musk that a completely automated Tesla will be available by the end of 2018. And Musk delivers on what he promises.
Though no announcement has been made for a Latin America launch, Rodriguez and others are worried that the new type of car soon to be on the roads will alter their driving habits.
“Venting in traffic is like therapy to me. When I get home I am refreshed, got it all out of my system, you know the stress of work, the girlfriend … I am like a new man when I get home to my wife and kids,” said Rodriguez.
In fact, a recent study by the University of Argentina in Buenos Aires showed that road rage has helped reduce domestic violence. Researched Juanes Alpizar said that the numbers (of domestic violence reports) are way down, more than imagined.
Could a driverless car contribute to rising domestic violence? Alpizar answered honestly that he doesn’t know the answer to that. But if Rodriguez’s experience is any indication, it has many worried. Worried that the driverless car will not allow drivers to distress themselves and will take it out on their loved ones once they get home.
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Latin-Americans have well-known fury from being excluded from the “American” membership. Each time a US citizen identifies as American, the resulting argument is more intense than deciding which abuela makes the best tamales.
“We’re Americans, too!” Rocio Rodriguez proclaimed as she flaunted her Ropa Americana coupons. “Everyone from Canada to Tierra del Fuego is considered so.”
Trump described it as “unbelievable” and announced a directive to put a stop to the exploitation.
“This misassociation has gone on for far too long,” the president said as he granted Milo Yiannopoulos citizenship and gave him Washington D.C.’s key to the city. “If people want to be part of us, they have to pay for it.”
When questioned on how he plans to track the word’s use over such a vast continent, the president ignored the question completely and asked everyone to check out his new shoes. When pressed further, he said the economic gains would be “yuuuuge” for the already affluent.
In response to the order, “Todos somos Americanos” signs have popped up in lackadaisical protests across the continent. “Those pinche gringos aren’t the only Americans around,” severely overweight Gavin Hernandez shouted while finishing off a 10-piece KFC bucket in San Jose. “We’re all the same!” chants also emerged in Buenos Aires from marchers with maps simultaneously showing “America” as one continent and Africa as a single nation.
Domestically, trickle-down effects of the order have also started to resonate. When Houston native Monserrat Lopez was charged double at a local Starbucks, she was left perplexed. “I wasn’t even thrown off that they had written ‘Monster Truck’ on my coffee cup,” she lamented. “But when the barista told me it was because I ordered an ‘Americano,’ me volvió loca.”
Lopez is far from the only victim. Over the past few weeks, Latin-Americans have seen interest rates on their American Express cards increase drastically, discounts on skinny jeans decline at American Eagle, and hash browns virtually disappear from their American Slams at Denny’s.
“I even had American Chopper erased from my PVR,” an angry Pedro Badilla revealed as he cried sitting through Canadian Idol. “Taking away the American dream was enough.”
Not able to focus on something for more than a few seconds, President Trump also hinted towards future proclamations. These are rumored to include shipping Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep to a newly-minted resort in Guantanamo Bay, creating a fake news registry that includes every reputable reporter on earth, and launching his own feline rescue site called “grab ‘em by the pussy.”
Source: Elpeji
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“Shit, shit, fucking shit, stupid asshole, it’s all wrong,” scientist Stephen Hawking said this morning when he discovered himself walking and with the vitality of his youth and to see that there is life after death and that, for therefore, all his assumptions about the nature of the universe were incorrect.
“Oh, fuck, really?” Exclaimed the scientist when he verified, without any doubt, that the cosmos, time, reality and everything that man knows is nothing more than the will of an abstract entity supernatural.
According to sources from the Hereafter, the scientist has also had the opportunity to contemplate the history of time and to see that a large part of his assumptions about the Big Bang are not correct either, given that Creation is not older than 6,000 years, and how it was known with certainty before Newton forced the other scientists to “correct” their paradigms.
Source: El Mundo Today
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Mario is done being a plumber. Princess Peach is going to have to find a new plumber to call the next time her toilet gets clogged.
According to Nintento, the world’s famour plumber is now an “All around sporty”.
Whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, Mario does everything cool.
What we don’t know the reason behind Mario’s career change after 34 years of plumbib. We don’t if Mario was fired, retired or shut plain tired of being a plumber and needed something new. A source not to close to the VE said Mario is going through a mid-life crisis and will really miss his brother, Luigi, who has been rumoured to carry on the family plumbing business.
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(VATICAN ENQUIRER) Low profits is the reason for McDonald’s announcement of the removal of all Canadian franchises. After a year of struggling to maintain profits in 2015, the McDonald’s franchise has seen an even worse decline in 2016: starting in the US after multiple tax policies have increased the cost of doing business for the fast food giant.
After already closing down almost a thousand locations from due to impeccable profit loss, Stephen Easterbrook, CEO of McDonald’s has announced the removal of all it’s Canadian franchises by February of 2017.
As Forbes reported early 2015:
The restaurant company closed 350 stores in early 2015, on top of the 350 it had already said it would shutter, as the burger purveyor seeks to stanch sales declines. Earlier on Wednesday, McDonald’s had reported an 11% decrease in revenue and a 30% drop in profit for the first three months of the year, a continuation of its troubles in the last two years as it has struggled to compete with new U.S. competitors, a tough economy in Europe and a food safety scare in Asia. The legendary food chain even tested bizarre menu items in some countries in an attempt to boost profits.
The picture blow shows McDonald’s Chocolate Fries that were introduced in Japan earlier this year.
To all Canadians out there: you better enjoy the last few months of McDonald’s restaurants on Canadian soil. I guess what they say is true about how the good things never last forever. What do you think of this? Leave your comment below.
With reportering from theglobalsun.com
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(VATICAN ENQUIRER) Los Angeles | Yoko Ono shocked reporters yesterday when she responded to a question concerning the presidential run of Hillary Clinton and the possibility that she could become the first woman President of the United States in American history.
The artist and widow of John Lennon, who is in Los Angeles to present a collection of cups and saucers she is exhibiting at the Museum of Modern Art, totally took reporters by surprise by admitting she had not only met the former First Lady at various times during a series of protests against the Vietnam War in New York in the 1970s but also knew her “intimately”.
The celebrity admitted laughingly to having “a fling” with her at the time and acknowledged her election “would be a great advancement for LGBT and Women rights in America” she added.
Yoko Ono when asked about her thoughts about Hillary’s run for the presidency completely took reporters by surprise.
“We met many times during the New York Vietnam War protests in the 1970s, and became very intimate. We shared many of the same values about sexual equality, fighting against the authoritarian, patriarchal, male-dominated society we were raised in” she explained.
“We had a brief romantic fling when I lived with John in Manhattan and Hillary was studying at Yale, but eventually we lost touch. I am amazed how things are going well for her and wish her the best for her campaign” she told reporters during the press conference.
Experts believe the statement could affect the presidential candidates bid for the presidency but previous allegations of Hillary Clinton’s lesbian past have not seemed to play against the front runner for the 2016 Democratic presidential race yet.
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THE VATICAN ENQUIRER – Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau, also dubbed as “Canada’s Obama”, announced he is converting from Christianity to Islam.
“After meeting thousands of new Syrian refugees, listening to their stories and learning more about the Muslim faith, I have learned to love Islam and the people of Islam. Islam promotes peace, not violence and is in fact more peaceful that Christianity. I feel like this is the religion I belong with and I should identify as,” reported the theglobalsun.com
A college softball player from the University of Texas shocked the sports world today by coming out as a heterosexual.
In an emotional press conference this morning, Jennifer Ryan, 23, announced that she was a “proud member” of the opposite-sex community. The senior shortstop is believed to be the first and only openly straight women’s softball player in the history of NCAA athletics.
“I would just like to thank everyone who has supported me through this difficult time in my life,” she told reporters at McCombs Field in Austin. “For years I have known that I was different, but lacked the courage to be open about my lifestyle with family, friends and teammates.
“Today I would like to tell the world that I am straight. It’s not something that I chose. I was simply born this way. And after years of living in the closet, the time has come for me to start being who I really am.
“I want to tell every little girl in America: you don’t have to be gay to be an elite softball player. Straight athletes hit just as hard, pitch just as hard, and run just as hard as everybody else.
“Hopefully my example will inspire other straight softball players to come out from the shadows. We need to stand up and be recognized for the amazing contributions we have made to this sport.”
First Base
Today’s news comes after several high-profile male athletes have come out as gay in recent months. Jason Collins became the first openly-gay player in the NBA this year after the Brooklyn Nets signed him in February. And the NFL is expected to have its first openly gay player when Missouri defensive end Michael Sam is drafted in May.
Just yesterday, men’s college basketball became the latest sport to have it’s first openly gay player when UMass sophomore forward Derrick Gordon came out to USA Today.
Other collegiate sports have long had openly gay athletes. But some, like softball, have notoriously had a dearth of openly straight ones.
Nevertheless Ryan’s coming-out has drawn support from several prominent gay softball stars. Shortly after the press conference 2008 silver medalist Lauren Lappin Tweeted, “Great day for college softball. Jennifer Ryan has proved we are a sport that accepts all lifestyles.”
Source: Daily Currant
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VATICAN ENQUIRER – Yoga pants have been a controversial topic across America, the issue first surfacing in Massachusetts, Oklahoma and Californa, as the snugnitude encasing the lower half of women’s bodies struck fear in the hears of Americans.
How the debate is over, the Federal government has issued a ban on the sale and wear of yoga pants in public. An source within the administration told the Vatican Enquirer that banning the use in private homes is also being considered, a decision that will clear be one to be made by Michelle Obama.
The argument used to enact the ba is that they’re to distracting to men, they create a lustful atmosphere infecting society.
A national group is said to be planning a protest against the ban, saying the prohibition is antiquated and warped, women should not be told that their clothing is responsible for men’s bad behaviour. The message sent to men is that their behaviours are excusable, or understandable given what women are wearing.
For now, authorities are only issuing warnings. But a source at the Justice Department said the in the near future women will be arrested and prosecuted.
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