Walmart to Allow Open Carry Firearms

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“Bad guys hide their guns. Good guys make sure bad guys can see they’re packing.”


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VATICAN ENQUIRER (TheLapine) BENTONVILLE , AR — The 4,800 Walmart stores in the U.S. will not ban shoppers from openly carrying pistols or rifles.

“They’re upset they can no longer open carry in Chipotle or Sonic but most of our stores have McDonalds so they can bring their guns to Walmart to grab a burger and shop for pesticide-free tomatoes and strawberries.”

Open carry supporters cite their 2nd Amendment rights but laws are enacted on a state-by-state level. Currently only 14 states require licenses to carry a visible firearm but 19 states including California have been firm in saying that they “kinda don’t like the idea.”

Open carry opponents point out that the 2nd Amendment refers to a “well regulated militia” and not the carrying around of AK47s by people who could be loosely connected to reality.

“Walmart is the largest retailer of guns in the U.S….they sell more guns than tube socks,” said Anna Walker of the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence.

In the same press release, the chain store says it will begin carrying organic produce and a wide selection of free-range chickens.

“We listen to our customers and they said overwhelmingly that they want to shop for healthier food with the comfort and security of being armed,” Walmart President and CEO Doug McMillan told Fox News.

“But if you’re shopping for organic bananas do you really need your Colt M16 semi-automatic strapped on your back?”

Memphis Walmart shopper Dwayne Witters told Fox News that he carries his Beretta everywhere he goes.

“Bad guys hide their guns,” said the 26-year old drywaller.

“Good guys make sure bad guys can see they’re packing.”