Woman Sues Hallmark After Valentine’s Day Divorce

Falling-out-of-loveVATICAN ENQUIRER  – A woman from Iowa is suing greeting card company Hallmark for creating Valentine’s Day, the pressure from which she claims led to her divorce last year.

Alexandra Richmond, 36, is suing for $126 million in mental and physical damages stemming from her separation from her longtime husband.

Mental damages for the amount of times she’s stalked her now ex on social media, and physical for the weight gain since the divorce. Richmond believes the greeting card company is “entirely responsible for the commercial pressures associated with Valentine’s Day.”

“The plaintiff believes the deterioration of her marriage would not have happened if it wasn’t for the Hallmark Holiday. If Feb. 14 could be just another Friday or Saturday, she’d still be with the love of her life,” said Richmond’s lawyer, George Simpson, in court yesterday.

Richmond said through tears during the trial, “My husband said to me he couldn’t take the holiday pressure anymore, and neither could our bank accounts.”

Alexandra’s ex-husband, Thomas, apparently asked for a divorce after sending her two dozen roses to work last Valentine’s Day with a note that read, “It’s not you. It’s the holidays. I need a divorce.”

Thomas said, “It’s true. The divorce from my ex-wife is solely based on the societal pressures of the holidays culminating at Valentine’s Day. Alexandra was a great wife. I loved her and still do, but I couldn’t take the commercial pressure anymore.”

Statistically, most couples do break up on Valentines Day according to reputable therapist John Myers.

“Some find the holiday pressure the most during the time period from October to Feb. 14 because of the string of holidays during that time period. And if your partner has a birthday or you have an anniversary mixed in there, good luck,” Myers said.

Alexandra posted on her blog Kisses and Crying, “Keep Christ in Christmas and stop forcing people to spend money to declare their love on February 14th with long stem roses, steak dinners and humorously large boxes of chocolates. If you’re really in love, every day should be Valentine’s Day.”

When asked to comment, Hallmark seemed not concerned with the lawsuit.

“Seriously?” Hallmark CEO Mark Black said. “This woman does realize while people call Valentine’s Day a ‘Hallmark’ holiday, we’re not the only company telling people to buy stuff on Feb. 14. What about jewelry companies? A card is at most $5; one of those tacky diamond bracelets could be $5,000 and come from the blood of innocent Africans.”

But Richmond’s lawyer seems convinced that the greeting card company is to blame.

“Valentine’s Day is just another commercial holiday, like Mother’s Day or Christmas. It’s time corporate America takes responsibility for its overwhelming commercialism. And we start with Richmond vs. Hallmark.”

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