Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon<\/em><\/p>\n

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(VATICAN ENQUIRER)<\/em> ZURICH\u2014After the United States Justice Department (DOJ) indicted numerous executives from world soccer\u2019s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer\u2019s 2015 World Cup.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are thrilled to reveal that, for the first time in 21 years, the World Cup will finally return to America, with matches set to kick off today at 5 p.m. local time in Los Angeles,\u201d said FIFA president Sepp Blatter, smiling broadly before unveiling the tournament\u2019s official logo, a hand-drawn stick figure kicking a soccer ball with \u201cUSA 2015!<\/strong>\u201d hastily scribbled in black marker above its head.<\/p>\n

\u201cWith world-class venues in cities across the country and a rapidly growing passion for the sport, the U.S. is the perfect choice\u2014really the only choice\u2014for this summer\u2019s tournament.<\/p>\n

Everyone at FIFA is certain that the 2015 World Cup in America will be a tremendous success, and billions of fans from around the world will, in just a few hours, come together to enjoy this wonderful display of soccer over the coming weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

At press time, the U.S. national team was leading defending champions Germany in the World Cup\u2019s opening match after being awarded 12 penalties in the game\u2019s first three minutes.<\/p>\n

Original article on TheOnion<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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