<\/a><\/p>\n

VATICAN ENQUIRER (Commentary) – I\u2019m a pretty laid-back guy. As long as other countries don\u2019t get in our way, I\u2019m fine letting them do whatever they want. But as someone born and raised in the U.S.A., there are some things I won\u2019t put up with. Like, if I ever heard a country besides our own was suddenly calling itself America? Man, I\u2019d be so goddamn pissed.<\/p>\n

Hell, let me come right out and say it: You would not want to mess with me if you started telling everyone your country\u2019s name was America. I would go totally ballistic.<\/p>\n

Seriously, if I ever turned on the news and saw some president or king or something talking about how his nation was \u201cAmerica\u201d and how his citizens were \u201cAmericans,\u201d I\u2019d have a hard time not<\/i> going apeshit. It wouldn\u2019t matter to me how rich or powerful this guy was. I swear to God, I\u2019d go straight to his country, even if it was really far away, and cold-cock the guy right in his goddamn mouth.<\/p>\n

Because that\u2019s our<\/i> country\u2019s name. Not yours. You don\u2019t just steal someone else\u2019s name, especially not America\u2019s. You got that?<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t pretend like you didn\u2019t know our America already existed! If some country tried to act like that, I\u2019d just be like, \u201cGive me a break, pal. Of course you knew about us.\u201d We\u2019ve had the name America for hundreds and hundreds of years. So going and pretending it\u2019s yours is a total dick move, and anyone willing to do it is basically begging to get fucked up by yours truly.<\/p>\n

Get it straight:\u00a0If Another Country Ever Started Calling Itself America, I\u2019d Be So Pissed<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Plus, all the countries out there already have<\/i> names! You can call yourself Canada or Russia or whatever you want, but America is off-limits. Don\u2019t even try it. Seriously, why would you even start with that shit? Are you intentionally trying to piss me off? Do you want<\/i> me to take your ass down? Because me opening up a map one day and seeing the good old U.S. of A., and then looking over and seeing another, entirely different country also<\/i> labeled America is a recipe for goddamn disaster on your end, I swear to God.<\/p>\n

Man, I\u2019m getting so angry just thinking about it.<\/p>\n

I mean, where does it end? If you took our name, you\u2019d probably take our flag, too. Just imagine some place in Asia or wherever raising the Stars and Stripes above their capital and saluting it like it\u2019s theirs. Un-fucking-cool<\/i>. Well, guess what? Don\u2019t get too used to it, because I\u2019d fly right over there and put a stop to that real quick.<\/p>\n

Get it straight: There\u2019s only one America, and that\u2019s the United States<\/i> of America.<\/p>\n

Honest to God, if I ever ran into some prime minister or whatever with the balls to pull that crap, the first thing out of my mouth would be, \u201cHey, buddy, what the fuck do you think you\u2019re doing? My<\/i> country is called America. You can change your name back or get pounded into the ground. Your choice.\u201d And if he said he wouldn\u2019t change it, I\u2019d drop him right then and there. Then I\u2019d just whale on him until he promised to go back to the old name.<\/p>\n

So listen up, Australia, China, France\u2014all of you countries out there. We\u2019re cool right now, but if any of you even so much as thinks about calling yourself America, then just be prepared, because the next thing you\u2019re going to see\u2014the last<\/i> thing you\u2019re going to see\u2014is my fist coming right at your face.<\/p>\n

Think I\u2019m not serious? Just try me<\/p>\n

Via Theonion.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

VATICAN ENQUIRER (Commentary) – I\u2019m a pretty laid-back guy. As long as other countries don\u2019t get in our way, I\u2019m fine letting them do whatever they want. But as someone born and raised in the U.S.A., there are some things I won\u2019t put up with. Like, if I ever heard a country besides our own […] More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1610,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[12],"tags":[203],"adace-sponsor":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Tom-Wheeler.jpg","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"wps_subtitle":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1608"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1611,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608\/revisions\/1611"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1610"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1608"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1608"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1608"},{"taxonomy":"adace-sponsor","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adace-sponsor?post=1608"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}