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{"id":1728,"date":"2015-10-26T08:19:28","date_gmt":"2015-10-26T14:19:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/?p=1728"},"modified":"2017-03-09T09:15:10","modified_gmt":"2017-03-09T15:15:10","slug":"scientists-earth-endangered-by-new-strain-of-fact-resistant-humans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/scientists-earth-endangered-by-new-strain-of-fact-resistant-humans\/","title":{"rendered":"Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"dc1a16902ec4e3a820b\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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VATICAN ENQUIRER (The Borowitz Report<\/u><\/a>) \u2013 Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.<\/p>\n

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThese humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,\u201d Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. \u201cAnd yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.\u201d<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

More worryingly, Logsdon said, \u201cAs facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.\u201d<\/p>\n

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. \u201cThe normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,\u201d Logsdon said.<\/p>\n

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. \u201cOur research is very preliminary, but it\u2019s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  VATICAN ENQUIRER (The Borowitz Report) \u2013 Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable […] More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1729,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[9],"tags":[203],"adace-sponsor":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/dc1a16902ec4e3a820b.jpg","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"wps_subtitle":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1728"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1728"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1728\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1731,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1728\/revisions\/1731"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1729"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1728"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1728"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1728"},{"taxonomy":"adace-sponsor","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adace-sponsor?post=1728"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}