![\"Queen](\"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/85450398_queenindex_pa-1.jpg\")
<\/a>LONDON (The VATICAN ENQUIRER) In an unexpected televised address on Tuesday, the Queen of England announced to restoration of British rule over the United States of America.<\/p>\n
Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth II said that she was making the offer \u201cin recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn\u2019t end well,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
The Queen said the transition to British rule would begin \u201cwith a minimum of bother.\u201d<\/p>\n
Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, \u201cParliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you\u2019d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.\u201d<\/p>\n
Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person \u201cvery occasionally.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adapted from the original article by Andy Borowitz is a New York <\/a>Times.<\/em><\/p>\n Article first appeared at TORRES REPORT, click here to go there<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" LONDON (The VATICAN ENQUIRER) In an unexpected televised address on Tuesday, the Queen of England announced to restoration of British rule over the United States of America. Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth II said that she was making the offer \u201cin recognition of the desperate situation you now […] More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":2018,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[245],"adace-sponsor":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/85450398_queenindex_pa-1.jpg","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"wps_subtitle":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2017"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2017"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2017\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2030,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2017\/revisions\/2030"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2018"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2017"},{"taxonomy":"adace-sponsor","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/vaticanenquirer.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adace-sponsor?post=2017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}