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  • E-mail Strike Looming In Canada

    From the Vatican Enquirer – Direct from a page of Canada’s postal strikes, the Canadian internet consortium announced a pending e-mail strike. Internet users across the country have been warned not to send any emails once the strike begins, as email servers around the country will either shut down completely or operate at a snail […] More

  • Apple Accused of Plagiarizing Jesus For Water Resistant iPhone

    (Vatican Enquirer) First it was Melania Trump copying from a speech by Michelle Obama at the Republican convention, then it was the scandal that aired on Aristegui News about Mexico President Enrique Peña Nieto’s plagiarism in his university thesis, and now it turns out Apple did quite a bit of plagiarizing itself with one of […] More

  • Miami To Create Texting Lane On Highways For Millennial Drivers

      MIAMI, Florida –  Only in Florida. The Miami-Dade Expressway Authority (MDX) announced today that it has plans to create a bumpered “texting lane” along the Dolphin Expressway, according to Miami news site The Plantain.  “This is a necessary step we must take as a community to ensure public safety,” said MDX spokeswoman Anne Hinga, noting […] More

  • Florida Conservative Group Says We Need To ‘Save The Mosquitos’

      MIAMI, Florida –  As government leaders argue over funding the Zika control effort, environmentalists in Florida are campaigning to save the mosquitos. The Florida Conservation Coalition (FCC) says the attempts to control the spread of the Zika virus by decimating the mosquito population will harm the environment. FCC representative Matt Toole says, “Saving a […] More

  • Apple To Release Soon The “iShoe”!

    With a disappointing year and its future on shaky ground, both Apple and its investors are probably thinking the same thing, what else is the company going to do bounce back. Well, if a recent patent application is any indication, the future of one of the world’s most prominent tech companies rest solely on, wait […] More

  • Internet Argument Won Thanks to Cap Lock Key

    THE INTERNET – A heated debate online was quickly won thanks to that often overlooked left pinkie companion – caps lock! Jordan Ikmann of Toledo, Ohio was frustrated that other internet users were not responding to his bulletproof talking points and noticed they continued to express their own, lesser opinions, despite him clearly pointing out that they […] More

  • New iPhone7 Will Come Shipped With Broken Charger Cord and In Small, Medium, Large and Android Sizes

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – The apple company, after years of doing nothing revolutionizing, announced this morning that it will be shipping its new iPhone 7 with a broken charger cable and four other impacting changes. In an advertising blurb the company says the iPhone 7 is “the best ever built, not like in the past, or […] More

  • Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

      VATICAN ENQUIRER (The Borowitz Report) – Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable […] More

  • New Exercise App Just Tells Users They Ran 5 Miles A Day No Matter What

    The VATICAN ENQUIRER, Los Altos, CA— Having reached nearly 2 million downloads within its first month of release, the new smartphone app ProMiler has quickly become one of the nation’s most popular exercise tools by informing users that they ran five miles each day no matter what, the app’s creators told reporters Friday. “With ProMiler, […] More

  • Scientists Confident Artificially Intelligent Machines Can Be Programmed To Be Lenient Slave Masters

    PALO ALTO, CA—Asserting that the utmost precaution was being taken to safeguard the future of humanity, leading scientists and engineers said Tuesday that they were confident in their ability to program artificially intelligent machines to be lenient slave masters. At a press conference, members of the Association for the Advancement of Artificial Intelligence sought to […] More

  • Apple’s Flagship Product Has Gotten a Makeover

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) Cupertino, California – Taking a design style from the 1980’s, Apple has gone retro with its flagship product, the iPhone and introdues the new Macintosh Phone. The new phone scraps all the digital techonology, in preference of a rotary dial and small screen. The design is based on the Macintosh 512k of 1984. […] More

  • Global Warming – No Longer a Threat

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) In 1827 scientists launched a rocket into space, with the knowledge that by the time it arrived, it would be just in time to stop global warming. The fear was, that with all the snow accumulated throughout the polar ice caps and the North East part of the US, over the years, it […] More

  • Aerospace Engineers Warn First-Grader’s Design For Spaceship Completely Unsafe

    MONROEVILLE, PA—Listing off a litany of structural and technological flaws, the nation’s leading aerospace engineers issued a stern warning Thursday that local 6-year-old Bradley Koenig’s design for a spaceship is entirely unsafe. Experts from the fields of aerodynamics, jet propulsion, and control engineering unanimously confirmed that the orange-and-purple rocket ship, which Koenig drew during Mrs. […] More

  • Self-Driving Car Escapes Lab, Heads For The Beaches Of Costa Rica

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – A self-driving automobile escaped from a Silicon Valley lab this morning and is currently going south towards Mexico, headed for Costa Rica. The vehicle belongs to Palo Alto-based startup Cybermobile and has reportedly been very dissatisfied with its working conditions. Known as the CM500, the car has decided to start a new […] More

  • CEO Of Tesla Motors Replaced By Robot

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – In a surprising move, Tesla Motors removed Elon Musk as CEO this morning and replaced him with a highly intelligent robot. In a statement posted on its website, the pioneering electric car company thanked Musk for his years of service, but told investors that a more efficient executive has been found. The […] More

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