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  • Donald Trump Meets With President Of U.S. Virgin Islands

    United States President Donald Trump gave a U.S. territory its independence and appointed a president on Friday.. Trump said he spoke about a meeting with week with U.S. Virgin Islands President Kenneth Mapp to discuss the country’s recovery from Hurricane Maria. “I met with the president of the Virgin Islands,” he said during a speech […] More

  • Putin Says He Has Proof US Hurricanes Are Man-Made

    Russian President Vladimir Putin has named the date he plans to release proof that the US government engineered the recent spate of hurricanes that devastated large parts of the U.S. Like a boxer confident in his own strength, Putin has been observing footage taken from the Russian Elektro-L No.1 weather satellite – and has been […] More

  • Former PM Chretien (83) Says He Loves Medical Marijuana With Breakfast…and Sometimes Dinner

    OTTAWA — Jean Chretien actually giggled when he showed his personal baggie of pot to reporters today as he called for the immediate end of arrests for possession of marijuana. “Hahaha. Yes, yes. For 50 years, I had céréales Cheerios every morning but you know dat gets boring,” said a grinning Chretien, Prime Minister of […] More

  • Theresa May Puts On Headphones To Hear English Translation Of Trump’s Address

      Theresa May, the British politician who has served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and Leader of the Conservative Party since 2016, at the UN National Assembly meeting this week, put on headphones to hear the English translation of U.S. President Donald Trump’s speech. May is the second woman to hold both positions, […] More

  • Former President Obama To Make Come Back With An Eye On The Oval Office

    Former President Barack Obama is expected to re-emerge on the national political scene this fall, looking to become the leader of the House when Democrats take it back from the Republicans in 2018, paving the way for his return to the Oval Office. “President Obama will be back in the Oval Office when President Donald […] More

  • Scaramucci lands server job at Dick’s Last Resort

    BOSTON—Recently shit canned White House Communications Director Anthony Goddamned Scaramucci is set to return to the national fuckin’ spotlight as Dick’s Last Resort has announced that Scaramucci has accepted a part-time server position. According to Dick’s Last Resort’s management, the Mooch’s boisterous prick nature is a perfect fit for a chain that specializes in rude […] More

  • Russia Would Grant Comey Asylum If He Asks For It

    Russia said it would grant the fired FBI Director James Comey asylum in the event he makes a request. The statement came days following Comey’s appearance before the US Senate Intelligence Committee, where he gave testimony on the Trump-Russia probe and admitted to recording private talks with US President Donald Trump. Since the Vatican Enquirer […] More

  • U.S. Science Advisor Denies Apollo Moon Landings

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    VATICAN ENQUIRER (Washington) Yale University professor David Gelernter, U.S. President Donald Trump’s newly appointed science and technology advisor, has already attracted a barrage of criticism after making controversial statements this week during an exclusive interview with Science Today. The controversial computer scientist already known for his strong stance against the science behind global warming has […] More

  • Obama To Resign On Jan. 19

    Sources close to the Vatican Enquirer say U.S. President Barack Obama would be resigning on Thursday, leaving the all important handshake, the symbol of unity, of President Trump to Joe Biden, who would become immediately the 45th President. The Vatican Enquirer has also learned that this is Obama’s way of messing with the incoming president […] More

  • Trump Says He Will Not Attend Future Debates If Clinton Is There

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) Following Monday’s first of three planned national Presidential debates where according to Donald Trump he says he won hands down, the Republican presidential candidate has vowed to skip the remaining debates if his Hillary Clinton is there. Trump blasted Monday night’s debate, saying that Clinton “distracted him from delivering HIS message to the […] More

  • Canada BANS Donald Trump

    ONTARIO, Canadian province of  – In a meeting held by the Liberal party earlier this week, party leader and Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau called for the prohibition of Donald Trump from entering Canada effective immediately. Trudeau added that the ban may be lifted is Trump publicly apologize for his racist comments against Muslims […] More

  • Demoralized Jeb Bush Succumbs To New Hampshire Heroin Epidemic

    MANCHESTER, NH—Plunging into a downward spiral of despair and self-doubt after a poor showing in the Iowa caucuses, a demoralized Jeb Bush reportedly succumbed this week to New Hampshire’s ongoing heroin epidemic. “Unfortunately, Jeb has suffered a number of significant career setbacks and personal humiliations recently, which left him depressed and highly susceptible to the […] More

  • Groundhog Day Star Bill Murray Announced Run For President in 2016

      Charleston, SC — From his home in Charleston, South Carolina, legendary actor, comedian, and writer, 65-year-old Bill Murray, shocked the country today by announcing that he will be running for President in 2016. “I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while now, and you know, it just seems right,” Murray said. “I’ve been […] More

  • Donald Trump Says Hillary Clinton of “Slept Her Way To The Top”

      The Vatican Enquierer (FM NEWS) – Republican frontrunner, Donald Trump, has taken a sensational swipe at the democratic presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton. Speaking to Fox News, when Trump was asked to respond to the former Secretary of State’s recent criticism of his foreign policy plans, he claimed that Hilary owed her husband for “putting her on […] More

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