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  • Authorities Dismantle Gang Trafficking in Cholesterol and Triglycerides

    Undercover agents in Guanacaste, Costa Rica, take down a dangerous gang for trafficking in an unspecified quantity of cholesterol and triglycerides. Authorities say they had been on the heels of the gang for some time, but their investigation was prolonged since the group operated mainly during the Christmas holiday season. Authorities say the tamales were […] More

  • Queen Victoria’s Cranach turns out to be the real thing

    For more than a century art historical experts have labelled a painting Queen Victoria bought as a Christmas present for Prince Albert a 19th-century fake. But a new generation of art historians has discovered they were wrong. Victoria and her advisers were correct when they bought the painting in 1840. It is a genuine work […] More

  • Donald Trump Meets With President Of U.S. Virgin Islands

    United States President Donald Trump gave a U.S. territory its independence and appointed a president on Friday.. Trump said he spoke about a meeting with week with U.S. Virgin Islands President Kenneth Mapp to discuss the country’s recovery from Hurricane Maria. “I met with the president of the Virgin Islands,” he said during a speech […] More

  • Top Scientist Says HAARP Responsible For Recent Hurricanes

    One of the world’s leading scientists, Dr. Michio Kaku, recently admitted on live television that the U.S. government have long had the ability to artificially induce hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis and major storms. In an interview aired by CBS, Dr. Kaku admitted that recent ‘man-made’ hurricanes have been the result of a government weather modification program […] More

  • Putin Says He Has Proof US Hurricanes Are Man-Made

    Russian President Vladimir Putin has named the date he plans to release proof that the US government engineered the recent spate of hurricanes that devastated large parts of the U.S. Like a boxer confident in his own strength, Putin has been observing footage taken from the Russian Elektro-L No.1 weather satellite – and has been […] More

  • Former PM Chretien (83) Says He Loves Medical Marijuana With Breakfast…and Sometimes Dinner

    OTTAWA — Jean Chretien actually giggled when he showed his personal baggie of pot to reporters today as he called for the immediate end of arrests for possession of marijuana. “Hahaha. Yes, yes. For 50 years, I had céréales Cheerios every morning but you know dat gets boring,” said a grinning Chretien, Prime Minister of […] More

  • Former President Obama To Make Come Back With An Eye On The Oval Office

    Former President Barack Obama is expected to re-emerge on the national political scene this fall, looking to become the leader of the House when Democrats take it back from the Republicans in 2018, paving the way for his return to the Oval Office. “President Obama will be back in the Oval Office when President Donald […] More

  • Scaramucci lands server job at Dick’s Last Resort

    BOSTON—Recently shit canned White House Communications Director Anthony Goddamned Scaramucci is set to return to the national fuckin’ spotlight as Dick’s Last Resort has announced that Scaramucci has accepted a part-time server position. According to Dick’s Last Resort’s management, the Mooch’s boisterous prick nature is a perfect fit for a chain that specializes in rude […] More

  • Scaramucci In Revenge Post Of Nude Photos Of His Wife

    Washington D.C. — Senior Advisor to the President, Anthony Scaramucci is no stranger to controversy. From the beginning of his career at Goldman Sachs to his recent successful selling of global investment firm Skybridge Capital, Scaramucci has been in the gilded spotlight. The spotlight that he is currently in may be more than he bargained […] More

  • All Monkey, No Business

    A wildlife photographer’s life has been shattered, his livelihood and bank account in ruins because a monkey took a selfie with his camera. As the story goes, it seems that a group of monkeys clicking away with the photographer’s digital camera produce portraits of startling beauty. Andrew told the VQ that he was visiting the park […] More

  • Russia Would Grant Comey Asylum If He Asks For It

    Russia said it would grant the fired FBI Director James Comey asylum in the event he makes a request. The statement came days following Comey’s appearance before the US Senate Intelligence Committee, where he gave testimony on the Trump-Russia probe and admitted to recording private talks with US President Donald Trump. Since the Vatican Enquirer […] More

  • Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

    MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at […] More

  • New York Taxis Gouging Customers Fleeing To Canada

    Taxi cab companies in New York are gouging customers fleeing to Canada, in the months since the inauguration of U.S. President Donald Trump, mainly Americans leaving the United States. Sources close to the Vatican Enquirer said “the flee north is in fear of the America Mr. Trump will bring them.” The New York Attorney General’s […] More

  • Justin Trudeau Unveils Plan To Meet Healthcare Needs Of Canada’s Aging Prog Rockers

    OTTAWA—Saying it was only right to give back to those who had done so much for their country, Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau unveiled a plan Thursday that would provide for the healthcare needs of the nation’s aging prog rockers. “Groups from Rush to Triumph to Harmonium are valued members of our society, and it’s […] More

  • Controversial Trump Tower To Be Renamed Trump Plaza

    Controversial Trump Tower To Be Renamed Trump Plaza (AMP) VANCOUVER, Canada – Following intense criticism over their controversial choice of name, the developers behind Trump Tower have announced plans to officially rename it “Trump Plaza”. Calls to drop the hotel’s name, led by city planners, councillors, and even the mayor of Vancouver, initially went unheeded […] More

  • Trump accuses Obama of burning popcorn

    Trump accuses Obama for hacking Microwave One (AMP) White House – President Donald Trump stepped up allegations today by accusing former President Barack Obama of hacking the White House microwave in order to overcook popcorn. As always, Trump took to the nation’s twitter to air the new grievance. “How low has Obama gone to hack Microwave […] More

  • Pope Francis: “keep St. Patrick in St. Patrick’s Day”

    Pope Francis on St. Patrick’s Day (AMP) VATICAN CITY — During his weekly mass, Pope Francis urged Catholics to remember to “keep St. Patrick in St. Patrick’s day.” The mass was the kickoff to St. Patrick’s week which culminates in St. Patrick’s day. “It is very tempting to be distracted by all the beer and […] More

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