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  • Former PM Chretien (83) Says He Loves Medical Marijuana With Breakfast…and Sometimes Dinner

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    OTTAWA — Jean Chretien actually giggled when he showed his personal baggie of pot to reporters today as he called for the immediate end of arrests for possession of marijuana. “Hahaha. Yes, yes. For 50 years, I had céréales Cheerios every morning but you know dat gets boring,” said a grinning Chretien, Prime Minister of […] More

  • Former President Obama To Make Come Back With An Eye On The Oval Office

    Former President Barack Obama is expected to re-emerge on the national political scene this fall, looking to become the leader of the House when Democrats take it back from the Republicans in 2018, paving the way for his return to the Oval Office. “President Obama will be back in the Oval Office when President Donald […] More

  • Scaramucci lands server job at Dick’s Last Resort

    BOSTON—Recently shit canned White House Communications Director Anthony Goddamned Scaramucci is set to return to the national fuckin’ spotlight as Dick’s Last Resort has announced that Scaramucci has accepted a part-time server position. According to Dick’s Last Resort’s management, the Mooch’s boisterous prick nature is a perfect fit for a chain that specializes in rude […] More

  • Scaramucci In Revenge Post Of Nude Photos Of His Wife

    Washington D.C. — Senior Advisor to the President, Anthony Scaramucci is no stranger to controversy. From the beginning of his career at Goldman Sachs to his recent successful selling of global investment firm Skybridge Capital, Scaramucci has been in the gilded spotlight. The spotlight that he is currently in may be more than he bargained […] More

  • All Monkey, No Business

    A wildlife photographer’s life has been shattered, his livelihood and bank account in ruins because a monkey took a selfie with his camera. As the story goes, it seems that a group of monkeys clicking away with the photographer’s digital camera produce portraits of startling beauty. Andrew told the VQ that he was visiting the park […] More

  • Russia Would Grant Comey Asylum If He Asks For It

    Russia said it would grant the fired FBI Director James Comey asylum in the event he makes a request. The statement came days following Comey’s appearance before the US Senate Intelligence Committee, where he gave testimony on the Trump-Russia probe and admitted to recording private talks with US President Donald Trump. Since the Vatican Enquirer […] More

  • Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

    MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at […] More

  • New York Taxis Gouging Customers Fleeing To Canada

    Taxi cab companies in New York are gouging customers fleeing to Canada, in the months since the inauguration of U.S. President Donald Trump, mainly Americans leaving the United States. Sources close to the Vatican Enquirer said “the flee north is in fear of the America Mr. Trump will bring them.” The New York Attorney General’s […] More

  • Justin Trudeau Unveils Plan To Meet Healthcare Needs Of Canada’s Aging Prog Rockers

    OTTAWA—Saying it was only right to give back to those who had done so much for their country, Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau unveiled a plan Thursday that would provide for the healthcare needs of the nation’s aging prog rockers. “Groups from Rush to Triumph to Harmonium are valued members of our society, and it’s […] More

  • Controversial Trump Tower To Be Renamed Trump Plaza

    Controversial Trump Tower To Be Renamed Trump Plaza (AMP) VANCOUVER, Canada – Following intense criticism over their controversial choice of name, the developers behind Trump Tower have announced plans to officially rename it “Trump Plaza”. Calls to drop the hotel’s name, led by city planners, councillors, and even the mayor of Vancouver, initially went unheeded […] More

  • Trump accuses Obama of burning popcorn

    Trump accuses Obama for hacking Microwave One (AMP) White House – President Donald Trump stepped up allegations today by accusing former President Barack Obama of hacking the White House microwave in order to overcook popcorn. As always, Trump took to the nation’s twitter to air the new grievance. “How low has Obama gone to hack Microwave […] More

  • Pope Francis: “keep St. Patrick in St. Patrick’s Day”

    Pope Francis on St. Patrick’s Day (AMP) VATICAN CITY — During his weekly mass, Pope Francis urged Catholics to remember to “keep St. Patrick in St. Patrick’s day.” The mass was the kickoff to St. Patrick’s week which culminates in St. Patrick’s day. “It is very tempting to be distracted by all the beer and […] More

  • Canadian Twenty-nine-year-old woman found tragically thirty in her home

    Twenty-nine-year-old woman found tragically thirty in her home (AMP) TORONTO, Canada – A community is grieving today after a local 29-year-old was discovered tragically thirty in her bedroom this morning. Witnesses say she felt little pain. “She was resigned to it at the end,” said a source close to the 30-year-old. “But it’s just heartbreaking […] More

  • ‘I Have Four Young Children,’ Says Kellyanne Conway In Most Disturbing Public Statement To Date

    Kellyanne Conway (AMP) WASHINGTON—Explaining that she always makes sure to leave enough time in her busy schedule to give them the proper attention, Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway told reporters Thursday, in what is her most disturbing public statement to date, that she has four young children. “I have four little ones, 12-year-old twins […] More

  • Obama’s Master Plan to Illegally Overthrow Trump

    (AMP) The fix is in. Former president Obama is trying to overthrow Trump and assume a dictator rule over the United States. Originally investigated by several mainstream media outlets, Obama’s plan has been fully exposed. Working with officials in the intelligence community, Obama is attempting an unprecedented coup in an attempt to regain power atop […] More

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