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    The Simpsons predicted Kim Yo-jong’s rise to power

    Apparently the Simpsons once again was first to prophetize the rise to power of Kim Yo-Jong, in North Korea, sister of the young man who was in charge of the government and who for the past few weeks has not known anything from him, raising speculation about his death. The Simpsons apparently knew what would […] More

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    Trump Says He Doesn’t Need Bolton’s Book Read To Him

    Donald J. Trump has “no intention whatsoever” of having John Bolton’s book read aloud to him, Trump confirmed on Monday. Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that his daughter, Ivanka Trump, had obtained a draft manuscript of the Bolton book and had offered to read it aloud to him “like she does […] More

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    El Chapo Didn’t Want Witnesses At His Trial

    The convicted drug lord known as El Chapo said on Thursday that he was “outraged” his 2019 trial had included witnesses. He also revealed that he was demanding a new trial without them. Speaking from ADX Florence, a maximum-security facility in Colorado, the former drug kingpin complained that his trial would have resulted in a […] More

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    Denmark Offers to Buy USA

    COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead. “As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the […] More

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    Trump Demands Facebook Investigate Why Obama’s Post Got So Many Likes

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A furious Donald J. Trump has demanded that Facebook investigate why a status update posted by former President Barack Obama on Monday has received so many likes. Speaking to reporters on Wednesday morning, Trump said that the more than eight hundred and fifty thousand likes that Obama’s post had garnered as of […] More

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    Queen Elizabeth Moving to Canada

    (The Borowitz Report) – Queen Elizabeth II is moving to Canada “immediately” and should take up full-time residence there by the end of the week, Buckingham Palace confirmed on Tuesday. The Queen offered no reason for the move, but the palace indicated that she had been packing her bags for the past several weeks. In […] More

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    Trump to Give Putin Office Space at White House

    (The Borowitz Report) – In a sign that Donald J. Trump’s control over the Republican Party is now complete, congressional Republicans on Thursday defended his decision to give the Russian President Vladimir Putin office space at the White House. A newly emboldened Trump told reporters that he had furnished Putin with a corner-office suite and […] More

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    Women are asking men to look at their chests again

    t starts off like any other PSA until one of the speakers says in exasperation, “my breasts….are down here!” “Do you think I’m wearing this bra because it’s comfortable?” she asks. “Sure there are times I want to be taken seriously,” she explains, but “those times I don’t wear this shirt!” If you’re easily offended […] More

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    Trump Furious That Mar-a-Lago Is Left with No Employees After ICE Raid

    PALM BEACH, Florida (The Borowitz Report) – Donald Trump was reportedly “hopping mad” on Saturday after a surprise ICE raid left his Mar-a-Lago retreat with no employees. The ICE agents conducting the pre-dawn raid swept through the opulent Palm Beach club and left guests with no one to prepare their food, wash their dishes, or […] More

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    U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths

    WASHINGTON—Citing a series of fatal malfunctions dating back to 1777, flag manufacturer Annin & Company announced Monday that it would be recalling all makes and models of its popular American flag from both foreign and domestic markets. Representatives from the nation’s leading flag producer claimed that as many as 143 million deaths in the past […] More

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    Small Town Rallies To Save Boy Trapped In Hell

    WAUKEE, IA—Ever since he fell down a portal to the underworld while playing in a field behind his grandparents’ house, residents of a small town in central Iowa have been racing against the clock to save 8-year-old Joey Fletcher, who sources confirmed is currently trapped in hell. On Sunday, while attempting to retrieve a soccer […] More

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