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  • Former PM Chretien (83) Says He Loves Medical Marijuana With Breakfast…and Sometimes Dinner


    OTTAWA — Jean Chretien actually giggled when he showed his personal baggie of pot to reporters today as he called for the immediate end of arrests for possession of marijuana. “Hahaha. Yes, yes. For 50 years, I had céréales Cheerios every morning but you know dat gets boring,” said a grinning Chretien, Prime Minister of […] More

  • Recently Canonized Martyr Added To Vatican’s Animatronic Hall Of Saints


    VATICAN CITY—Bringing the tragic story of his righteous sacrifice to life, recently canonized martyr Salomone Leclercq on Friday was added to the Vatican Museum’s Animatronic Hall of Saints. “This newest addition allows visitors to experience the courage of the godly man who was murdered for refusing to swear an oath to the secular government following […] More

  • Mario is no longer a plumber

    Mario is done being a plumber. Princess Peach is going to have to find a new plumber to call the next time her toilet gets clogged. According to Nintento, the world’s famour plumber is now an “All around sporty”. Whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, Mario does everything cool. What we don’t […] More

  • Scaramucci lands server job at Dick’s Last Resort

    BOSTON—Recently shit canned White House Communications Director Anthony Goddamned Scaramucci is set to return to the national fuckin’ spotlight as Dick’s Last Resort has announced that Scaramucci has accepted a part-time server position. According to Dick’s Last Resort’s management, the Mooch’s boisterous prick nature is a perfect fit for a chain that specializes in rude […] More

  • Scaramucci In Revenge Post Of Nude Photos Of His Wife

    Washington D.C. — Senior Advisor to the President, Anthony Scaramucci is no stranger to controversy. From the beginning of his career at Goldman Sachs to his recent successful selling of global investment firm Skybridge Capital, Scaramucci has been in the gilded spotlight. The spotlight that he is currently in may be more than he bargained […] More

  • All Monkey, No Business

    A wildlife photographer’s life has been shattered, his livelihood and bank account in ruins because a monkey took a selfie with his camera. As the story goes, it seems that a group of monkeys clicking away with the photographer’s digital camera produce portraits of startling beauty. Andrew told the VQ that he was visiting the park […] More

  • Russia Would Grant Comey Asylum If He Asks For It

    Russia said it would grant the fired FBI Director James Comey asylum in the event he makes a request. The statement came days following Comey’s appearance before the US Senate Intelligence Committee, where he gave testimony on the Trump-Russia probe and admitted to recording private talks with US President Donald Trump. Since the Vatican Enquirer […] More

  • Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

    MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at […] More

  • New York Taxis Gouging Customers Fleeing To Canada

    Taxi cab companies in New York are gouging customers fleeing to Canada, in the months since the inauguration of U.S. President Donald Trump, mainly Americans leaving the United States. Sources close to the Vatican Enquirer said “the flee north is in fear of the America Mr. Trump will bring them.” The New York Attorney General’s […] More

  • Christ Appears In Roman Court To Contest 2,000-Year-Old Riot Charges

    VATICAN CITY (ROME)—Complaining that He had better things to do than get up early to contest the “totally bullshit” claims, Jesus Christ, Light of the World and Lamb of God, reportedly appeared in Roman Municipal Court on Wednesday to face several 2,000-year-old riot charges. “Like, I wasn’t even in Jerusalem during the Cleansing of the […] More

  • 9 Out Of 10 Dead People Preferred Not To Have Died: Survey

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – A recent survey undertaken by students at the Vatican University (VU) on the effects of death, confirmed that the majority of the dead interviewed preferred not to be dead. “Not that it’s that bad on the other side…they preffered to be on the living side of life,” said Teresa Elena Caputo, coordinator […] More

  • Controversial Trump Tower To Be Renamed Trump Plaza

    Controversial Trump Tower To Be Renamed Trump Plaza (AMP) VANCOUVER, Canada – Following intense criticism over their controversial choice of name, the developers behind Trump Tower have announced plans to officially rename it “Trump Plaza”. Calls to drop the hotel’s name, led by city planners, councillors, and even the mayor of Vancouver, initially went unheeded […] More

  • Pope remains champion at annual pancake eating contest

    (AMP) VATICAN CITY – Consuming a record 87 pancakes in under 20 minutes, Pope Francis has retained his championship title for the fourth year in a row at the annual Shrove Tuesday pancake eating contest and papal mass. “The Holy Spirit was with me,” said a gorged Pope Francis addressing the crowd of thousands who […] More

  • Trump accuses Obama of burning popcorn

    Trump accuses Obama for hacking Microwave One (AMP) White House – President Donald Trump stepped up allegations today by accusing former President Barack Obama of hacking the White House microwave in order to overcook popcorn. As always, Trump took to the nation’s twitter to air the new grievance. “How low has Obama gone to hack Microwave […] More

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