Yoko Ono: “I Had an Affair with Hillary Clinton in the ’70s”

(VATICAN ENQUIRER) Los Angeles | Yoko Ono shocked reporters yesterday when she responded to a question concerning the presidential run...

Canada BANS Donald Trump

ONTARIO, Canadian province of  – In a meeting held by the Liberal party earlier this week, party leader and Prime...

Canada Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Converting from Christianity to Islam

THE VATICAN ENQUIRER - Canada's prime minister, Justin Trudeau, also dubbed as "Canada's Obama", announced he is converting from Christianity...

Programmer Gets Fired, Forgets How To Code

Computer programmer FiletOfFish1066 (FOF), working for a well-known tech San Francisco tech company  and for five full years did nothing...

Mick Jagger Being Held At Mexico’s Museum of Anthropology For Trying To Escape

VATICAN ENQUIRER - It was on Monday when Mick Jagger, leader singer of the Rolling Stones, visited the Museum of...

Demoralized Jeb Bush Succumbs To New Hampshire Heroin Epidemic

MANCHESTER, NH—Plunging into a downward spiral of despair and self-doubt after a poor showing in the Iowa caucuses, a demoralized...

Tips For Studying Overseas (Abroad)

Here are The Onion’s tips for how to make the most of your college semester abroad: Do some advance research to...

Female Softball Player Comes Out as Straight

A college softball player from the University of Texas shocked the sports world today by coming out as a heterosexual. In...

Study: Climate Change May Melt Cher By 2020

VATICAN ENQUIRER -  new study released today shows that global climate change may melt American pop icon Cher within five...

Aging Broncos Quarteback Now Forced To Take Field With Assistance Dog

VATICAN ENQUIRER -  Noting that he is no longer capable of safely maneuvering across the field on his own, the...

Billy Joel Charged With Arson

VATICAN ENQUIRER - Singer-songwriter William Martin “Billy” Joel has been charged by U.S. authorities with multiple counts of arson from...

Madonna World Tour 2037 Tickets Go On Sale

"The Pope is secretly in love with me." Tickets are now on sale for the Madonna World Tour 2037. The ageing...

Pope Francis Thumbs Up On Capitalism!

WASHINGTON, D.C. —Admitting the startling discovery had compelled His Holiness Pope Francis to reexamine his long-held beliefs,  announcing Wednesday that...

New Dating Site Suggests People You Already Know But Thought You Were Too Good...

Saying love could be as close as a neighbor or colleague you’ve never once found yourself remotely interested in, new...

Costa Rica’s President to Sport Hipster Toupée

VATICAN ENQUIRER, San Jose, Costa Rica – Luis Guillermo Solís will be sporting a sleek new wig to disguise his...

Facebook Version Of Marriage Going Great

SAN JOSE, CA—Citing the numerous photos and status updates that the couple regularly post online, sources confirmed Wednesday that the...