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  • Former President Obama To Make Come Back With An Eye On The Oval Office

    Former President Barack Obama is expected to re-emerge on the national political scene this fall, looking to become the leader of the House when Democrats take it back from the Republicans in 2018, paving the way for his return to the Oval Office. “President Obama will be back in the Oval Office when President Donald […] More

  • Scaramucci lands server job at Dick’s Last Resort

    BOSTON—Recently shit canned White House Communications Director Anthony Goddamned Scaramucci is set to return to the national fuckin’ spotlight as Dick’s Last Resort has announced that Scaramucci has accepted a part-time server position. According to Dick’s Last Resort’s management, the Mooch’s boisterous prick nature is a perfect fit for a chain that specializes in rude […] More

  • Nostradamus Predicted “Brangelina” Break Up

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) Just hours after the announcement of  the Brangelina (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) break up, many Nostradamus experts say the famous soothsayer had predicted the event in one of his quatrains. Famous for foretelling many historical events such as the death of King Henry II of France, the advent Napoleon or the two […] More

  • Canada BANS Donald Trump

    ONTARIO, Canadian province of  – In a meeting held by the Liberal party earlier this week, party leader and Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau called for the prohibition of Donald Trump from entering Canada effective immediately. Trudeau added that the ban may be lifted is Trump publicly apologize for his racist comments against Muslims […] More

  • Canada Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Converting from Christianity to Islam

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    THE VATICAN ENQUIRER – Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau, also dubbed as “Canada’s Obama”, announced he is converting from Christianity to Islam. In a 13 minute press conference Friday, Trudeau explained his decision in his life: “After meeting thousands of new Syrian refugees, listening to their stories and learning more about the Muslim faith, I […] More

  • Programmer Gets Fired, Forgets How To Code

    Computer programmer FiletOfFish1066 (FOF), working for a well-known tech San Francisco tech company  and for five full years did nothing except play League of Legends, surf the net, work out in a gym, and basically do whatever he felt like doing, got fired from $95,000 a year job. FOF says he fully automated his on […] More

  • Demoralized Jeb Bush Succumbs To New Hampshire Heroin Epidemic

    MANCHESTER, NH—Plunging into a downward spiral of despair and self-doubt after a poor showing in the Iowa caucuses, a demoralized Jeb Bush reportedly succumbed this week to New Hampshire’s ongoing heroin epidemic. “Unfortunately, Jeb has suffered a number of significant career setbacks and personal humiliations recently, which left him depressed and highly susceptible to the […] More

  • Tips For Studying Overseas (Abroad)

    Here are The Onion’s tips for how to make the most of your college semester abroad: Do some advance research to figure out which program is right for you. Europe is generally life-changing, whereas South America tends to be more eye-opening. Before choosing, carefully consider those countries your friends say are most fun versus those […] More

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