Latest stories

  • Mario is no longer a plumber

    Mario is done being a plumber. Princess Peach is going to have to find a new plumber to call the next time her toilet gets clogged. According to Nintento, the world’s famour plumber is now an “All around sporty”. Whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, Mario does everything cool. What we don’t […] More

  • National Geographic to Stop Publishing Nude Animal Pictures

    Following the lead by Playboy, the glossy men’s magazine known for its nude fold-outs, no longer publish nude photographs of women, National Geographic says that it will no longer degrade animals by showing photos of them without clothes. At a time when every teenagee has a smarphone (Internet connected phone) and the web is filled […] More

  • Congress Allocates $90 Million To Protect Remaining Eagles Members

    VATICAN ENQUIRER (The Onion) WASHINGTON – Convening an emergency session following the recent passing of famed singer and guitarist Glenn Frey, Congress voted unanimously Thursday to allocate $90 million to protect the remaining members of American rock group the Eagles, sources confirmed. “My colleagues and I recognize just how important the Eagles’ laid-back ’70s sound […] More

  • AshleyMadison.com to become dating site for newly divorced

      VATICAN ENQUIRER, TORONTO – Avid Life Media, the company that owns infidelity website AshleyMadison.com, announced today that the site would make a major shift from facilitating extramarital affairs to simply being a dating service for the newly divorced. Citing “changing demographics” and a new focus on a socially responsible business model, Ashley Madison spokesman […] More

  • Billy Joel Charged With Arson

    VATICAN ENQUIRER – Singer-songwriter William Martin “Billy” Joel has been charged by U.S. authorities with multiple counts of arson from the 1980s. Lead detective for the U.S. Attorney’s office, Steven Ettinger, said that Joel was the initial suspect, but had effectively derailed the investigation through the cunning use of song. “Even if the chorus wasn’t […] More

  • Breaking news: Michael J Fox Arrested For Insider Sports Betting

    VATICAN ENQUIRER, Los Angeles, October 21, 2015  – Michael J Fox was arrested Wednesday morning in relation to insider sports betting on DraftKings. Fox aroused suspicion after achieving a statistically-impossible, perfect record on the site under the username NoChicken. Authorities found an unusually worn copy of a sports almanac which was just recently printed and which has markings cataloging winning […] More

  • Madonna World Tour 2037 Tickets Go On Sale

    “The Pope is secretly in love with me.” Tickets are now on sale for the Madonna World Tour 2037. The ageing pop star says she is getting ready for what will be the “best, bestest, ever” show of her career, but not necessarily the last. Rumours have it that there a “centennial” tour planned for […] More

  • Donald Trump Says He Will Sue Carlos Slim, Univision, Mexico

    (VATICAN ENQUIRER) – Donald Trump has come out fighting against accusations of his “Mexicanophobia”. Since he can’t be Fired!, Trump announced he will sue Carlos Slim for firing him, Univision, the government Mexico and everyone else who has wronged in him in the past. “They can do whatever they want. I couldn’t care less. I’m […] More

  • CP24 To Broadcast Entirely Without Audio

    (VATICAN ENQUIRERE) TORONTO – Local broadcaster CP24 has announced that, beginning next week, it will air all broadcasts with no sound or noise of any kind. “We noticed in our audience research that the vast majority of viewers were watching our program entirely muted anyway, so this just seemed like the logical step,” said Bell […] More