Retailers Pull In $5 Billion Annually From Women Coming Off Street To Avoid Harassment

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WASHINGTON — Describing the behavior as an extremely reliable source of consumer spending, a report released Thursday by the Department of Commerce confirmed that the nation’s retailers earn $5 billion annually from women coming in from the street in order to get away from harassment.

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“Our research has shown that female consumers who quickly duck into stores after noticing that a strange man has been following them for several city blocks are responsible for a significant portion of all retail sales in the United States,” said Commerce Secretary Penny Pritzker, noting that some businesses may earn up to 10 percent of their total sales revenue from purchases made by women browsing the store’s aisles in the hopes that the men who were harassing, catcalling, and leering at them lose track of where they went and continue walking down the sidewalk.

“Nearly every drugstore, coffee shop, and bodega takes in tens of thousands of dollars each month from uncomfortable women looking for a safe place to evade these men, particularly those businesses that are open late.”

The study also revealed that $12 billion is spent annually by men who entered a business because they spotted a lone woman through the storefront window.

Source: The Onion