New Domino’s App Allows Customer To Track Pizza’s Movement Through Digestive System

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ANN ARBOR, MI —Giving customers the ability to keep tabs on their order through every step of the process, Domino’s Pizza announced Tuesday the release of a new app that lets users track the progress of their food as it moves through the human digestive system.

“After you take that first mouthwatering bite of Domino’s pizza, just log into our app on your smartphone or tablet to get updates on how your meal is progressing from ingestion, to digestion, to absorption, to elimination from the body,” Domino’s CEO J. Patrick Doyle said of the app that can reportedly provide users with real-time alerts when a food item has reached their pharynx, esophagus, stomach, small intestine, colon, rectum, or anus.

“When you order from Domino’s, you don’t have to sit around wondering when your pizza or cheesy bread is going to arrive at its ultimate destination.

As soon as you swallow, there’s a timer and a status bar that provides a detailed description of exactly where your food is and what’s happening to it.”

According to company officials, Domino’s guarantees its deliveries will pass through you in 30 minutes or less.

Source: Theonion.com