Quebec (Canada) Opens French-Only Blood Donor Banks

VATICAN ENQUIRER – Montreal (Canada) –  Premier Pauline Marois (Premiere ministre du Quebec) announced today that the Quebec Government (Gouvernement du Quebec) has opened seven blood donor banks (des cliniques de sang) across the province that will be accepting blood only from people who pass a French language test.

“In a time of need, Quebecers should have the choice to not accept blood from persons of another language,” said Marois to media at a newly-opened Quebec Values Blood Clinic, the smell of paint still fresh in the rue de Sainte-Catherine (Saint Catherine Street) facility.

“English, Korean, Muslim blood. It is not the same as Quebecois blood,” said Marois.

Bernard Drainville, Minister responsible for Democratic Institutions and Active Citizenship, told the CBC (SRC) that the move to francophone blood collection is another step “to stand firm and protect the culture, heritage and spunk (esprit) of la belle province (the beautiful province).”

“We did try to work with Societe canadienne du sang (Canadian Blood Services) but they were mostly English people and one had a foreign accent,” said Drainville.

Societe spokesperson Bernard Smith (no relation to Drainville) said the blood service does screen all donations for a variety of transmissible diseases but there is no test for “French or any other language.”

“A platelet (plaquette) is a platelet (plaquette). It doesn’t care what language its human body speaks,” said Smith. “Frankly, this is a very idiotic (stupide), discriminatory (paranoiaque) idea (idee).”

The opening of French-only blood donation clinics comes on the heels of the introduction of the controversial Quebec Charter of Values which proposes, among other things, to limit the wearing of conspicuous religious symbols by public sector employees, and to require those giving or receiving state services to have an uncovered face and no visible tattoos in English.

Premiere ministre du Quebec (Premier) Marois said the French language test will be both oral and written, and warned that it will be difficult .

“If you learned French from a Berlitz CD, you will not be allowed to donate. I’m sure you are a very nice person and your blood is just fine for you but…”

“We want to make sure this blood is pure Quebecois.”