(VATICAN ENQUIRER) SAN JOSE — Costa Ricans (Ticos) are the most honest country in Central America, according to Transparency International’s 2014 Corruption Perceptions Index, though still among the flakiest in terms of following through on agreed upon date, dinner or weekend plans, the report said.
The Index, which measures a country’s transparency as seen by business executives and foreign investors, scored the self-proclaimed “Switzerland of Central America” 47th out of 174 countries ranked, well ahead of money laundering rampant Panama, crime ravaged Honduras and Daniel Ortega’s Nicaragua make-believe socialist revolution.
While the Ticos were pleased to be deemed the isthmus’s most honest, the country is “extremely concerned” with Costa Rica’s near worst ranking in terms of social reliability, according to Foreign Minister Manuel Gonzalez.
Costa Rica finished 172nd in terms of fulfilling social and weekend activity plans, trailing only the Democratic Republic of Congo, where armed civil war often results in plans falling through, and Papua New Guinea, which is overrun by hunter-gatherer indigenous groups that still use dial-up internet and pagers.
“It’s particularly disconcerting that the world views us as socially pura paja,” Gonzalez said as he canceled dinner plans with his mother due to a light rainfall. “
As Ticos, if we really want to climb the ladder and eclipse powerhouses like tequila-drenched Mexico and the socially responsible hackers of North Korea – which ranked 1st overall in death threats for not following through on commitments – we must stop turning off our cell phones after telling someone we’ll come over and start making some cambios, or at least send a text,” he said.
All over the country, protests were organized and not attended in reaction to Ticos’ reported social irresponsibility. Maria Hernandez, who had to back-out of her year-in-the-making high school reunion at the last minute to attend the quinceñera of her third cousin’s aunt’s niece, claims the ranking is una locura.
“I really don’t understand it,” she explained while rejecting 4 phone calls. “We Ticos are such open, fun-loving, and confrontation-averse people. This study has us all wrong,’’ she said while updating her WhatsApp away status to “washing my hair.”
Karen Porras, who didn’t return calls after agreeing to participate in an interview with EP, agreed the result is a complete misrepresentation of the culture. Porras said she will respond to e-mailed questions “en un toque,’’ at which point this story will be updated.
Original article on ElPejibaye