Obama Orders “No More Fat For Americans”

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VATICAN ENQUIRER – The Obama administration is cracking down on the food industry, forcing it to eliminate fat in foods over the next few months.

According to the public health notice issued by the U.S. Department of Health  and Human Services  (HHS), whose job is to protect the health of all Americans and provides essential human services, any business found to contain fat in its food, starting January 2, will be shut down and its owners, managers and even employees (if found contributing to the fat problem) will be prosecuted, fined and even jailed in extreme cases

Scientists say there is no health benefit from consuming fat, which is used in process foods and restaurants, often to improve the look and texture of a product, shelf life on display and even taste.

“Fat tastes good but it’s not good for you,” said the President.

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According to the bulletin, the HHS will work with the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) that will have powers similar to Homeland Security, with powers to seize businesses and detain people alleged to be using fat in foods. Authorities will be able to detian people for unspecified periods of time, question them without the right to counsel, until they promise to never, ever use fat again.

The reaction from the food industry is that it needs more time to consume all the fat that it has been stockpiling and to look for an alternative.

Opponents to the ban say it will create a national emergency, thousands of people will surely suffer from fat withdrawl, their systems not be able to handle a healthy diet.

The Administration says it will set up a health program to fund clinics.