VATICAN ENQUIRER (Spoof News) In the face of U.S. President Trump’s threatened ban, stocks are soaring for Mexican brewers, as well as distributors and sellers of Mexican beer in the United States.
Reached by phone, Molly Snipes, CEO of Molotov distributors in Denver, talked to this reporter about the spike in business.
“This isn’t new at all, but a trend that’s accelerated since candidate Donald Trump, who promised to ban Mexican beers and even Cinco de Mayo, has become President Trump. Now that he’s taken office there’s a huge rush to stock up on Mexican beers before the ban, and people are even stocking up now for Cinco de Mayo.”
“More likely than an outright ban,” Snipes lamented, “President Trump could enact steep tariffs on import brews and that could be disastrous for business.”
Republicans in Congress are wary of starting any trade wars that could hurt the US or Global economy.
Senator Mitch “The Bitch” McConnell downplayed any action on tariffs when he spoke to reporters on Capital Hill
“As President Trump himself has said, we have more important business to do for the country, I don’t see any good return in the targeting of Mexican Beers or a Mexican holiday.”
Regardless of the political and cultural skirmishes, Snipes and other distributors of import beers seem confident that they will still be selling Mexican beers on Cinco de Mayo, 2017, and for the foreseeable future.
Snipes dispenses with a word of advice for beer hoarders.
“As far as stockpiling beer, I don’t think it will ever be necessary, but if you must, I would keep it all refrigerated and I would use it up within six months or less. People talk about beer keeping for a year, but any beer is best consumed within a few weeks of production.”
Article originally appeared on Thespoof.com